


Undisclosed Desires

by androgynoustyles



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Bottom Zayn, F/F, F/M, Fanfiction, Horror, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Multi, Other, Smut, Suspense, Thriller, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:53:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynoustyles/pseuds/androgynoustyles
Summary: "I wasn't here on the first night, I mean, didn't get here early" I said, and Harry smiled again."I know, I would never forget your eyes if I had seen it before…" he said, taking the wineglass out of my hand and placing it on the side of the bottle. I rolled my eyes, but this time Harry didn't smile at that. "You have beautiful eyes, Zayn""What do you want from me, Harry?" I asked, watching him bring his face closer to mine. His eyes glittered and watched me closely."What do you want from me, Zayn?" He whispered, running his fingers over my face, making me shiver. Harry approached me and I closed my eyes, feeling his breath on my face. "You just have to say" he whispered, running his long fingers over my face.[...]Or, the one where Zayn is a journalist in a Horror & Thriller Convention, Harry is a mysterious guest and people die.





	1. The Begin

 

> _"I think we deserve_
> 
> _a soft epilogue, my love._
> 
> _We are good people_
> 
> _and we’ve suffered enough."_
> 
> Seventy Years of Sleep # 4. nikka ursula 
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> **The Begin**
> 
>  

I looked out the car window and there wasn't anything but darkness around me. The vehicle’s headlights were the only things that illuminated ahead of the dirt road, which didn't reveal anything beyond the expected. Putting my hand in my pocket as usual, I felt tightness in my heart as I realized again that my phone wasn't there. It was too late.  
There was no use crying or asking to go back. I would hate myself for the rest of my life for doing everything in the last minute and consequently forgetting the most important things. I wouldn't mind that much in common situations - where I would be back home a few hours later - but this was a special occasion and being without my phone would cause me a whole lot of suffering.  
The Thriller Writers & Lovers Convention took place annually in the most remote and possibly scary corners of the planet. This was my first year attending - not as a writer or lover - but as a correspondent for The London Office. It wasn't where I wanted to be for the next weeks but my current situation wouldn't allow me to refuse any kind of work.  
None.  
I had my work mates talking about the Convention, but not very cool things: discussions about detailed murders at the dinner table, orgies that last all night long, slaughter of animals, surgically altered bodies, simulation of famous murders, rituals, blood... I knew that a good part of it was just exaggeration of people wanting to frighten me - after all I'm the newbie one - but, all that could be true.  
Clearly it wasn't the nicest place to be, even more without a phone.  
John, the driver who was taking me to the Castle wasn’t a fan of talking and didn't answered my questions about the place, the people, the weather and the exaggerations, which made me feel every more alone and anxious on that dark, deserted road.  
Sighing, I closed the book "The Red King" by Dionysus Thoen - one of my favorites. The story of a young King Asher, who loves giving parties, promoting orgies and mortal battles. In one of these battles, he meets Rosalie and her sibling Eros, young peasants looking for money by winning these battles. Enchanted by the peculiar beauty of the brothers - redheads, they had an eye of each color: green and hazel - Asher brings them to the Castle and, from there, macabre things begin to happen.  
This was probably the first book of thriller I had read willingly and really enjoyed. Dionysus always mixes violent and horror episodes with breathtaking sex scenes. The story has a stunning ending that leaves the reader reflecting for days. The massive amount theories on Internet about the story and the author - who writes by a pseudonym, never revealing his true identity - only increased the magnitude of his work.  
One of my biggest hopes was meeting Dionysus at this Convention, and maybe, that he would let me ask him some questions about his books and his life.  
But the only thing I could expect was the unexpected.  
"We're already here." John's voice woke me up to the real world and I felt more anxious. Along with me, there would be another eighteen people, including writers, guests, two hosts, a photographer and one more journalist,besides all the employeers. The Convention takes place at the Castle of Souls, a medieval building that was recently restored in order to host the event and to receive curious souls who are willing to pay a massive amount of money to spend a weekend at a "Haunted" Castle.  
Snow season was slowly approaching. The cold weather helped to build up this sense of being inside a thriller book. I've never been fearful, but my hands were sweating and I didn't know what to expect. Usually, I would run away from this by putting on my headphones and listening to something very cheerful in the last volume.  
But this time it wouldn't be possible and I just hoped the sleeping pills would really take effect.  
Slowly, the car stopped and I could see ahead of it a whole wooden gate, without any kind of bolt on the outside. The light was weak and I felt my heart race.  
"We're here, " John said, honking twice. I was waiting quietly, as if at any moment Dracula could step out of the gate and suck my blood to death.  
John honked twice more and sighed impatiently. Nothing happened.  
A few minutes passed and the tense atmosphere inside the car was almost palpable. I was already considering returning to London - to my bed, my home, my phone - when the portal creaked and began to open slowly, revealing nothing more but darkness within the walls surrounding the building.  
"Finally." John sighed and began to move inside the property. Where in what appeared to be a distant place, lights shone dimly.  
"Is this place is too big. John?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.  
"Huge! Rumor has it that the whole Ward family lived there and they died mysteriously inside those rooms in the most brutal way possible." John said this as if he was commenting on the football game the day before and not answering my question actually. "And people say that they haunt the Castle and torment anyone who tries to sleep there!" He said following a narrow path, closer and closer to the Castle. I couldn't see very well due the precarious lighting, but the Castle seemed to be huge as he said.  
Going through what appeared to be the backdoors of the property, John stopped in front of a double door where two people were waiting.  
"This is your final stop, kid" he said and I sighed, trying to control my fear, after all I am a 24-year-old man with a beard and a mission. I'm not a child anymore.  
Slowly pulling out of the car, I felt my legs weak and numb for spending so much time inside a small space like that. Holding the book and my handbag, I could see that the two people who were waiting for me were a couple, and they smiled openly at me.  
"You must be Zayn, " the woman said and I nodded.  
"Zayn Malik, journalist for The London Office, " I said in a steady voice, watching her approach. She was short and thin,must be about 50 years old. Her white hair was long and smooth.  
"I'm Eve, your Hostess." She smiled as she picked up the hand I held, greeting me. "Thanks John" she said as the driver put my suitcase by my side, and soon after he got back into the car without looking at Eve's face, backing away into the darkness, leaving me behind.  
"Mr. Malik, great pleasure to meet you. I'm Roarke, your Host, " the man said, stepping forward. He was tall and strong, his black hair was elegantly combed back, his blue eyes were glittering, and his hand tightly clasped mine.  
"It's a great honor to be here" I said and he laughed out loud, his laughter was echoing in the woods around.  
"Boy, you don't have to lie, not for me, " he said with a laugh and his Irish accent was almost palpable. The man took my suitcase and entered the Castle.  
"Come on, dear" Eve said, pulling me by the hand inside. "Everyone's here" Eve said as she guided me through what appeared to be the Castle’s kitchen. The lights were weak and everything was made of marble and aluminum. There were two double-door refrigerators with huge freezers, which was completely out of the context of the XVIII century there. "... So it will not be possible to introduce you today, since everyone is in their own rooms, " Eve said.  
"I'm late, sorry about that" I said, thanking her for not looking at me. I wasn't sorry. I didn't want to come.  
"Oh, dear, that's okay, no problem" she said with a laugh, and I sighed. "Your room is ready and, if you want, I can ask Marie to make you a snack ..."  
"Thank you...but I'm not hungry, just tired"  
"I know very well how tiring this trip is, son" Roarke said, his voice sounding very loud because of all the silence. "But you can take a shower and sleep. We don't have phones, internet, or TV signal here yet, which makes things easier ..." He said and I almost started to cry, but that wasn't news to me "... but, we have an electric shower and a good bathtub in your room, so you can relax before sleep."  
Usually, I'd be happy with this news. Having hot water to shower at any time of the day or a tub to relax are very good things, but they weren't better than my house,my phone,my bed...  
"Thank you." I said and it was as if I had just killed every subject that could arise. On the one hand, I was grateful for the silence, on the other, it was terrible to know that silence would be my company for the next few days.  
My eyes were burning because of the brightness of the place, although it wasn't that strong. The last hours I spent in total darkness clearly had an effect on my body and mood.  
In the light, I could tell that Eve and Roarke were much paler than I thought they were at first, but their cheeks were flushed. Roarke undoubtedly dyed his hair, while Eve's yellow-white hair was 100% natural.  
The inner part of the Castle seemed to be all decorated in shades of red, straw, gold and brown, with various sculptures scattered in the corridors.  
"Tomorrow I'll show you everything right, but now you need to rest " Eve said and I just nodded as I tried to assimilate all that decoration the walls. There were several paintings between the doors, which portrayed from landscapes to people who hadn't been alive for a long time. Some were a little more frightening, like the one with three demons pulling a man into a ditch full of skulls and fire. Others had a sexual appeal, couples in passionate hugs and constant nudity.  
We went up to the second floor. The hallway was long and all the various doors seemed to be the same for me. Eve stopped in the third door on the left and smiled shyly at me. "This is your room, " she said as Roarke put my suitcase on the floor. The amount of keys he had on his key chain was impressive, and perhaps most impressive of all was that he knew exactly which one was right for that room.  
Maybe he had a number on the key. Maybe he was magic. Maybe I was already crazy.  
Roarke unlocked the door and stepped in front, turning the lights on and revealing a surprisingly large room. The floor was made of mahogany. There was a large bed with iron canopy and four columns in the center of the room. Lying on the front of the bed was a huge box of wood that should be used to store blankets - or lifeless bodies. There was a small fireplace parallel to the bed, a dresser with 6 large drawers - the first with a lock and key - and a desk. On the two sides of the bed were bedside tables with lamps above. Between the fireplace and the bed was a long carpet in shades of brown and red, with contours in gold thread at the ends. And in the left corner, there was a door also made of wood.  
"This is your bathroom, " Eve said, following my gaze, opening the door. I threw my book and bag near the bed, and went to her. The bathroom was as large as the room, well lit. All made of light marble and mahogany, with a large bathtub that was in the center of the bathroom, a small shower inside a glass box and a huge mirror over the sink.  
"Wow" I said and Roarke laughed. That could be compared to a presidential suite any hotel out there, and it was much more than I've had before. This room was the size of my apartment, maybe even bigger.  
"Well son, we'll let you to rest now. If you need anything, has a button right here ..." Roarke went to the bed and showed me the little button on the side of the bedside table. "You press him for two seconds and someone comes to help you" He said and I stared at the button, wondering what kind of help I would need.  
"Goodnight" Eve said, running her hand over my shoulder, going to the door where Roarke was waiting for her. Closing the door quietly behind him, the two left.  
"G'night..." I whispered, but they were already gone.  
Putting my hand in my pocket instinctively, I huffed at how dependent I was on my phone. Looking around again,I noticed a large mirror above the fireplace and it was at a perfect angle to the bed. I could lie down and see my whole body clearly.  
_Interesting._  
I took off my boots and put the leather jacket on the desk chair. I picked up my bag from the floor and propped it on top of the dresser, storing my things in the drawers. I did the same with the suitcase, leaving only my winter pajamas out. In a smaller bag inside the suitcase, there was my camera and my little microphone, as well as its chargers - for any interviews that may happen. I put them inside the first drawer and locked it, putting the key in the pocket of the jacket.  
Not that I expected to be stolen in there, but it was a way of making me feel safe in such a strange place.  
I took off my shirt and pants, only wearing my underwear. And then I remembered that I wasn't home, that a lot of things could happen and a lot of people were there, so I put on my pajamas - gray sweatpants and a long-sleeved blouse - and swallowed one of the sleeping pills.  
Sighing, I slowly opened the box that was in front of the bed, finding several blankets inside - and none lifeless body, thankfully. Throwing most of the blankets on the floor, I stripped off the red blanket on the bed and slipped a large white cover into the box. Not knowing exactly what to do, I lay down in the center of the bed and erased one of the lamps, trying to get used to the place and get rid the thought of ghosts and dead people in the room.  
Closing my eyes, I wondered how long the pill would take to take effect, and even before I could formulate the answer, I was asleep.


	2. One

 

>  

> _"Some demons are heavenly."_

> Dominic Riccitello

* * *

 

Redheads with eyes of different colors stared at me from the side of the bed, and I couldn't be more terrified. There wasn't much I could do to stop them at that moment, since they were inside _my head._  
Opening my eyes and sitting on the bed, I realized I was screaming. Covering my mouth with the hands, I tried to suppress my screams, to get that image out of my head. Taking a deep breath, I tried to restore the control of my body, until I heard two knocks on the door and felt my heart stop again.  
When you take a sleeping pill, it means that you don't want it and can't be woken up before the effect passes; it means that you'll have a quiet night without dreams or disturbances.  
_But I wasn't lucky._  
"Shit ..." I looked out the window and saw that it was still dark, maybe it hadn't been too long since I fell asleep. Two more beats, and I wondered if I was still trapped inside my dream. I felt as if I were floating, as if I were walking on clouds and could faint at any moment.  
_Knock Knock._  
Unsure about what to do, I threw the covers aside and put my feet on the cold floor. It gave a certain sense of reality that my brain needed,but not enough. I stood up, holding the canopy of the bed to keep myself on my feet.  
Runing my tongue over my lips, I felt thirst as if I had been lost in the desert for a month. Slowly, I almost fell when another knock sounded on the door as I crawled along the wall, seeking for support in the icy sensation beneath my fingers. My trembling fingers finally reached the doorknob and I closed my eyes, feeling the world spin under my feet and above my head.  
Without much courage, I slowly turned the knob and cautiously pulled the door open, ready to close it again if some redhead was on the other side. Opening my eyes, I looked up and a wave of relief rushed through my body.  
Green eyes stared at me with some concern and he was breathing fast, as if he was as frightened as I was.  
"Are you okay? What happened?" He said and his voice was low, almost a whisper. He was a bit taller than me, with long dark hair, curls falling across his broad shoulders. He smelled good. And he was waiting for an answer.  
"I'm good " I tried to say as firmly as I could, but my voice failed and it became a whisper as I leaned against the doorframe to keep from falling.  
"I heard your screams... my room is on the side of yours..."  
"I didn't wanted to wake you, I'm sorry" I mumbled, running my cold hands down my face.  
"Bad dream?" He said and I didn't reply, too embarrassed to look into his face. "At my first convention I didn't sleep the first four days for fear of ghosts and demons, and I believe I only slept on the fifth day due to the exhaustion" he said playfully and I looked at him, taking the hands off my face. "What I want to say is that it's normal, you shouldn't be ashamed of it"  
"I..." I didn't know exactly what I wanted to say, because that was undoubtedly the strangest situation of my life: I was at a haunted castle, for a convention of thriller and horror lovers, in a room that belonged to someone who died violently a long ago, without a phone, no communication with the world, under the influence of sleeping pills, having nightmares with demoniacs redheads and waking other guests with my screams.  
I couldn't be more pathetic.  
"I didn't want to wake you, I'm sorry."  
" _I wasn't sleeping_ " he said with a smirk. Looking better at him, I saw that he was dressed in black trousers and shirt, practically all unbuttoned. I don't know how long I stared at him, until he spoke again, cleaning his throat. "You want to eat something? Food helps the body recover from the fright..." He said, putting his hand on my shoulder, and I couldn't focus on anything but the large numbers of rings he wore.  
"I think...I'm going back to bed..." I said feeling calmer, sleepy.  
"All right." He said reluctantly and again looked worried. "I'm in the next room, you can call me..." I nodded, struggling behind the door. "My door isn't locked anyway..." he said and I stared into his eyes again. They were kinda of out of focus, but I was grateful they were the same color.  
"Thanks" I babbled, closing the door slowly, watching him not move, as if he was ready to catch me if I fell, or ready to watch me sleeping all night like a weird ass vampire. Locking the door as a precaution, I crawled to the bed and was already asleep before I even closed my eyes.

_

  
The clock ticked almost 8 and breakfast would be served soon. I was dressed all in black - shirt, jacket, trousers and boots - matching my outfit with my mood. I felt tired and couldn't remember clearly what happened, as if I were trying to review my memories by a smoke screen.  
The day was cold, gray and rainy. All I wanted to do was going back to bed and spend the next two weeks lay on it. I promised myself that I wouldn't take any pill again, even if it meant not sleeping for the next few days.  
I left the room and locked the door, putting the key in the pocket of my jacket. The Castle seemed to be even bigger during the day, and it was possible to hear the chatter of conversations coming from downstairs. Following the sound’s direction, I felt my stomach complain as I went down the stairs toward the main hall. Behind one of the thousands of doors on the first floor, Eve came out of one wearing a long dark green dress, with her white hair in a firm elegant bun - the kind of thing my mother would wear at a wedding.  
"Good morning, dear" she said with a smile on her face as I approached.  
"G'morning, Eve" I replied as she placed her hands on both sides of my face, analyzing me.  
"Hard night?" She asked and I just nodded. "Well, whatever it was, it's over now. Let's eat, I'm starving!"  
"Both of us..." I said and again she took my hand, guiding me through the Castle to the ground floor, in the main hall that now served as a large dining room. A 20-seat rectangular table was in the center of the room with its red-painted walls as well as the rest of the Castle. There were many paintings scattered around the room, a large fireplace in the corner, and the white curtains that covered the huge windows were open for natural light to illuminate the room.  
A large group of people - including Roarke - were already seated at the table and chatting excitedly about something, while Castle employees placed trays and more trays on the table.  
Some faces were known - famous authors: Olivia Ulric, with her imposing curls and dark skin that seemed to shine, author of best seller The Darkest Moment; Robert Allen, who had large blue eyes and a just a few strands of hair; Stephen Khag, perhaps the most eccentric of them all, had surgically altered his body: he placed horns on his forehead, tusks in place of his canine teeth, cut his tongue in two by the half, besides the numerous piercings and tattoos he had all over his body. Along with them were Liam Payne - journalist and columnist for Literaculture - also a good friend; And Kelvin Wright, the official photographer of the event.  
"Zayn!" Roarke practically yelled when he saw me, dropping the conversation with Olivia and Robert and coming toward me. "I'm glad you survived!" He said and I looked at him startled as he hugged me, moody enough to find fun in this kind of jokes.  
"We're just in time, " Eve said as she took her place at the table.  
"You can sit here!" Roarke said pointing to my place on the left side of the table, beside an empty chair and a beautiful black-eyed lady with full lips.  
"Excuse me, good morning" I said sitting down next to her, and she smiled at me.  
"You must be Zayn" she said and I sighed. I felt at a disadvantage, as if the people who were there knew more about me than I knew of them, and I didn't felt comfortable with this situation.  
"I am. Sorry, you are...?"  
"Walker. Marina Walker, but please call me just Marina" she said and I felt my face burning in shame.  
"Nice to meet you." I said embarrassed as I settled into the chair. Marina Walker was the author of one of the most commented books of recent times - being transformed into a film franchise recently. I heard of her countless times, but I had never seen her face or had any interest in knowing what she looked like. Marina had dark skin and almost no expression marks, she must have been in her 50s and wore an elegant gray jumpsuit with red details on the sleeves and collar along with a huge diamond ring in her right hand.  
" _Pleasure is all mine_ , Zayn" she said, putting her hand on my thigh and squeezing it lightly as she smiled at me. I felt my face get hot with embarrassment, getting uncomfortable with that touch.  
Marina was also famous for her young boyfriends.  
Before I could react, she took her hand from my leg as if nothing had happened.  
Looking around, I saw that other people had already joined us at the table: Alice Green and Olaf Adams, convention guests. They were one of the most powerful and famous business couples of today and had a weird passion for everything involving horror and serial killers.  
Rebecca Patel sat down on the right side of the table beside Stephen - she was his inspiring muse and faithful life mate. She must have been in her late 40s and wore a long black dress with transparent sleeves, her red hair tied to a simple braid that fell across her shoulders. Genevieve Oris had also sat at the table next to Marina, and seemed extremely shy. I wasn't quite sure what she was or was doing, but her black eyes looked frightened. Genevieve was small and white, her blond hair falling loose around her back and despite her 33 years of age, she didn't look like she was over 20.  
Lucas Wood - Olivia's guest had sat beside her, wore a red shirt and black pants, his dark skin contrasting with the massive gold chain that was on his neck.  
Two men and one woman went down the stairs and took their seats at the table. The two were identical twins: short dark hair, pale skin and brown eyes. They wore the same outfit: gray trousers and a navy blue shirt ,and I would never be able to know who was who. The woman had a face marked by lines of expression, dark hair shorter at the back and longer at the front. She wore a short red dress made of latex, black high heels, and leather bracelets. She took her place at the table and smiled, greeting everyone there.  
Two seats were empty on the table - one next to me and another next to Lucas, who was on the other side of the table - and again I was nervous. Part of me knew it was the hunger, that soon as I ate anything under those trays my mood would improve by 100%; Already the other party knew that I was nervous because yesterday - the man with green eyes. I couldn't tell if he was real or was part of the dream I had, whether he was really a guest of the Castle or a demon who wanted to steal my soul at dawn. All I knew was that if he were real, I wish that he would be a good person and not tell anyone what happened last night.  
Roarke stood up and tapped gingerly on the glass with a knife to catch everyone's attention, who stopped the conversations immediately and looked at him.  
"Good Morning!" He said loudly, smiling and looking at each of us, "I hope that the first night here at the Castle was magnificent! I also hope that everyone is feeling much more than welcome not only in the Castle but also in the Convention. This is the most special and remarkable event in all of your lives! May your time here be brief, but let's make it unforgettable! Now... let's eat!” Roarke finished his speech with a laugh and everyone applauded, and suddenly my mood was better.  
The servants of the Castle discovered the trays and, to my happiness, there wasn't nothing but normal and warm food there.  
"You should start with those cheese rolls" Marina whispered to me and I smiled, catching one of the little cheese breads along with a cup of coffee. "Tell me, Zayn, have you ever read any books of thriller?" Marina asked as I chewed on the roll which was especially hot and delicious.  
"Yes" I said, swallowing and taking a sip of coffee. "I've read some actually... including yours."  
"And what is your favorite of all?" She asked and I didn't have much to think about.  
"The Red King, by Dionysus Thoen" I replied quickly, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise. The Red King was a controversial book with a complex story that left the reader wondering for days what had really happened, whether the redhead brothers were real or whether King Asher had completely gone mad.  
"Interesting ... And you expect to find Dionysus here?" She asked as she gently wiped her mouth with the cloth napkin.  
"I don't know..." I sighed, biting another piece of bread and chewing slowly as I thought. "Even if he were here, I wouldn't know who he is unless he introduced himself."  
"Well, my dear, the chances of him being here are infinitely greater than his chances of introducing himself to us. We're from the same publishing company, and all I know is that the only person who knows his real identity is his publisher." Marina whispered as if it was a big secret. Many rumors surrounded Dionysus, but no one had ever really managed to come out to the truth.  
"He is said to be a mad old crazy man who has been hospitalized, and writes only what he sees inside his own head." In a pink shirt with white polka-dot and black trousers, the green-eyed man sat next to me and picked up one of the cheese rolls on the tray and bit him, continuing with his mouth full "And I believe in that. Don't you?"  
I hadn't seen him approaching us, and without knowing exactly what to say, I stared at him with no reaction. His eyes were large and green, his jaw set sharply defined, his lips were naturally pink, and again his shirt was practically wide open, showing some tattoos scattered across his torso and a cross pendant necklace.  
"I'm Harry... Harry Styles" he said as he poured himself a cup of tea, watching me. "You must be Zayn."  
"I'm Zayn." I said, wiping the throat "Zayn Malik".  
I almost closed my eyes, silently thanking him for the fact that he really existed and silently fearing the fact that he could embarrass me in front of everyone.  
But he didn't look like that kind of person.  
"Your eyes are amazing" He said looking into my eyes,then biting another piece of bread, looking at it as if were the best thing he had ever eaten in his life. That attitude didn't quite match what he had just said and, again, I was out of reaction.  
"Thanks, I guess..."  
Trying to put my thoughts in place, I bit into another piece of my bread and chewed silently as I watched the people around me. Apparently all of that was normal, but I still felt strange, out of place. The way people behaved made me feel part of a new Netflix series: a mix of American Horror Story and Modern Family.  
"Impressed?" Harry asked me.  
"Impressed?" I repeated the question, trying to understand more about what it was.  
"Surprised to see it? Normal people?" He said taking a sip of tea while waiting for the answer.  
"Yes" I sighed "Before coming here I was told this would be a real freak show" I said and he laughed, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin.  
"People always jump into conclusions...and always condemn what is different from them ..." he said looking at me and I swallowed hard. I knew exactly what he meant, I was always part of those who are condemned for not following a pattern that society imposes.  
"You're a journalist?" I asked, trying to ease some of the climate, as if we both were trapped in war flashbacks.  
"No, but you are." He said taking a banana and peeling from the opposite side.  
"Yes" Willing to take my journalist position, turned to him as I took another sip of strong, tasty coffee. If vampires needed blood to live, I needed coffee. Harry has his arms covered in tattoos that didn't make much sense, but somehow formed a harmonious whole by being on him .  
He seemed to be very comfortable with his own body and with the whole situation. I remembered reading his name on the guest list, but didn't remember anything that would give me more information about what or who he was.  
"It's not very polite to stare like that while I'm eating a banana" He smiled, slowly shoving the fruit in his mouth as he stared into my eyes - Harry had at least, a very strange way to do this: putting his tongue out before putting the food in the mouth. Despite feeling my blood start to run faster and build on my face, I didn't look away. Apparently Harry couldn't remember what happened last night, or was too polite to comment on that.  
And I was grateful.  
"Are you a writer?" I asked, trying to regain my self-control. There was something different about Harry, as if he kept many secrets,and I wanted to discover some.  
"What do you think I am?" Harry challenged me, eating another piece of banana. I've never been a big fan of fruits, but that seemed to be a delicious banana. Taking a deep breath, I analyzed Harry again. He didn't seem to be a writer and didn't seem to be passionate enough for horror stories to be invited. Part of me thought he was someone's sugar baby there, even though he appeared to be completely on his own at the Convention. "Anything?" Harry asked as he bit into the final piece of banana and put the peel in the dish.  
"I don't know what you are" I admitted, hoping he would give me some explanation, but all he did was smile.  
"You haven't finished eating, Zayn" He said pointing to the bread that was on my plate. By now it should already be cold and, against my will, I bit another piece of their bread, which to my delight was still warm and soft. We ate in silence for a few minutes, until Marina rang again in my leg and got my attention.  
"He's very beautiful, Zayn" She said and I wasn't sure what she meant by that. Harry was undeniably beautiful - not the most beautiful I've ever seen in my life - but there was something about him that made him unforgettable.  
Maybe it was the way he ate.  
"Yeah, he is" I said, testing my words as I took another sip of coffee, thinking that probably Marina was interested in him and she would ask me to introduce them.  
"And he seems to be interested in you" Marina whispered and I choked on the hot coffee, coughing loudly and spitting some of it around everywhere. At this time, the conversation ended and all I wanted was to die choking on coffee, but Harry had already gotten up and pulling my arms up and to the side, leaving me in a position ready to be crucified.  
"Are you alright?" Harry bent down, while massaging the middle of my back. If it were possible, my face was as red as the walls of the Castle, and I wanted to leave. Without looking up, I heard the conversation back to normal and all the eyes come out of me.  
"Yeah, thank you. I'm sorry..." Harry was already with a napkin in hand, wiping my face and hands, looking very focused on his task. His hands were warm and soft, and he was too close.  
"I don't believe you were trying to kill him, Marina" he said and she laughed, throwing her head back in an elegant way that seemed to have been practiced for years.  
"Darling, there are many things I'm trying to do with him, and killing isn't one of them." Marina answered and I closed my eyes, hating the fact that they were talking about me as if I weren't there. Harry just shook his head in negative, as he put the napkin on the table and looked intently at me.  
"Are you really ok?"  
"Yeah,I am" I said, ignoring the chuckle that came from Marina, looking into Harry's eyes to let him know that even though I was fine.  
Harry sighed, looking at all the trays and pouting, not knowing what to choose. Looking around me, I saw that there was still an empty chair across the front, and counting all the guests, I knew someone was missing.  
Liam ate a fruit salad and seemed very comfortable with the whole situation, talking to Olivia and Roarke as if they were intimate friends. In the midst of all that, I was the strange one.  
Stephen gently put some grapes in Rebecca's mouth, and they seemed to be caught in their own moment. Everything seemed normal, but I couldn't relax my body, as if at any moment someone would jump on my back and try to kill me.  
Looking at Harry again, he ate something that I thought was cinnamon rolls, and seemed very focused on this.  
"So, Mr. Styles" I said, trying to start a conversation, and almost gave up,when he looked at me with a raised eyebrow.  
"Mr. Styles?" He asked frowing his eyebrowns together, and I almost bit my lip to keep me from laughing at how he seemed to be offended by that "I felt like I was my dad now... That's not nice Zayn... He's bald. I don't like it. Call me Harry, please."  
"Harry ..." I tried again,watching him eat "Why did you came to the Convention?" I asked, ready to take some mental notes since I had left my notebook in the room.  
Since I was there the best I could do was a decent thing with real content and information, so I didn't lose my job. "Well" he said taking a sip of tea and seeming to think about how he would answer the question. After what seemed to be like a minute, he smiled "I could tell you, but I'll have to kill you right after" He said staring at me and I wasn’t very up to murderer jokes yet.  
"I'm good at keeping secrets" I tried, smiling at him.  
"A journalist who's good at keeping secrets?" Harry had raised his two eyebrows this time. It wasn't like as if I were to write everything he told me and publish in the newspaper. I wouldn't do that if he asked me. I'm not that kind of person. I'm not from TMZ. "Which newspaper are you?"  
"The London Office" I said and Harry stopped eating, holding the cinnamon roll in the air as he watched me. "What?" I said, thinking that something was wrong in my face or me.  
"You're the one who do the reviews about Dionysus Thoen?" He asked, and this time I was the surprised one. I had a column in the newspaper's website and there I talked about a lot of things, and sometimes reviewed books I liked, including the Dionysus ones. But my column was one that had the lowest number of access to the site, and I suspected that my boss just kept it because he really liked me.  
"Yeah, have you read some?" Harry nodded his head, turning his attention to the cinnamon roll. "You liked?" I asked again,and Harry just smirked at me as a answer.  
"You seem to like a lot of him" He said,taking another sip of his tea.  
"Well,I really enjoy what and how he writes"  
"Just this Zayn? You seem to be _very_ passionate about him in your blog" Harry said looking at me,and I wasn't sure about what we were talking.  
"What?" I asked back,confused.  
"What?" He said back,and that was enough. Snorting, I excused myself and got up from the table, feeling several pairs of eyes glued on my back, and went up to my room. It was my first day on that place and I was already so done with everything and everyone.  
I was sure that the next weeks wouldn't be the easiest I could ever have.


	3. Two

 

>  
> 
>   
>  _"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_  
>  _in secret, between the shadow and the soul."_
> 
> Pablo Neruda, excerpt from Sonnett XVII 

* * *

The day's schedule was extensive and I had the opportunity to interview and talk with authors and guests, getting previews of new books and some reviews on the Convention. Lunch was held again in the dining room, and this time it was like I was in a horror movie. There was too much sauce and lots of jelly staging blood, a whole pig on the table with an apple in the mouth, and some food over there was too much exotic like goat's eyes, ox penis and some crazy sheep brain. Without much of an appetite because of the visual, I ate only what seemed to be safer: vegetables and mashed potatoes.  
Harry wasn't there in the lunch but I didn't care that much about it. Was good to eat in peace.  
During the afternoon, we had a little debate about how Horror and Thriller were based in reality to be created and how much they influenced in real life.  
I sat next to the twin brothers, Lohan and Joseph Irving, who explained to me all the time some unfamiliar terms and references that I didn't understood very well. They were actors of movies and horror pieces, attending conventions and events always as guests, but they enjoyed more being on beaches and surfing.  
Harry was present, but didn't seem to pay much attention to what was said in the debate, always talking to someone or making small notes in a little book with leather case he carried to everywhere.  
Our eyes met a few times and I always was the first one to look away.  
I was there to work, couldn't give me the luxury to be distracted by anyone there. But deeply in my soul, one of my greatest wishes was knowing better who he was and why he was there, since my sugar baby theory wasn't fair enough to the reality.  
During the debate, I noticed that the guest who wasn't present during the breakfast and lunch -George Vicki- was there. He was a writer, but didn't publish something new for a long time.  
"They say he went mad after what he saw" Liam Payne told me while we were having tea in the library. The room was large, with comfortable armchairs and sofas scattered around the corners,withonly one large window that kept the curtains closed, since the sunlight could damage the old books that were there. And they weren't just a few.  
All the walls were covered with shelves filled with old books. We could get any to read while we were there, and I promised myself that I would return later to pick up something - since I was sure that sleeping would be an almost impossible task for me to do.  
"And what did he saw, exactly?" I asked Liam, looking to the very pale and quiet man who was sitting across the room, motionless. Harry sat next to him and seemed kind of worried about him,looking at him all the time to make sure if he was still breathing.  
"They say he was looking for something to be able to write a new book, some inspiration" Liam whispered as if George could hear us, which I doubted he could. "And someone told him about the story of a girls Foster House that was haunted by evil spirits. Several people tried to find out precisely what happened there, but all they know is that one night after dinner, all the girls were killed with a wood stake in the heart" Liam said and I felt my stomach protest, hating the way the story was going.  
"... Several priests and religious were there to try to exorcise the evil spirits and help them find some light, some peace. But no one could. George heard the story and decided to enter in the house that was locked for over 20 years." Liam paused and looked back at George, measuring up and down man. George was small and white, maybe too young to look like this old. His black hair was disheveled and he barely blinked, was dressed in a crumpled suit, as if he were using it for days.  
"What happened there, Liam?" I said impatiently. I knew Liam for some years and he was the kind of person you can't help but love. Always willing to help, he was giving me all the support there and whispering names in my ear for me to remember the titles of books that I pretended to read. But when it comes to storytelling, he loved to suspense and I hated it.  
"Well, nobody knows for sure" He said leaning back in his chair. "He was gone for four days, until his maid called the police, who went looking for him in this house and found him there, in a dark room, lying in the fetal position and whispering a few words in a language that no one knows. Since then, he was never the same, doesn’t talk about what happened and lives like this... "  
We both looked at George again and he was still the same as it was minutes ago.  
I didn't quite believe in spirits or anything, but I knew they were real and mess with this sort of thing never really worked.  
"But changing the subject ..." Liam raised his voice a little to get my attention again. "Harry Styles doesn't stop looking at you and you don't stop looking at him to see if he's staring at you" he laughed, and I bowed my head, not knowing what to do or say "Come on, Zayn, we know each other very well and I know what that those bamby eyes of yours can do with someone" Liam said, and this time I laughed, too loud for a library,and everyone there looked at me, disapproving my attitude.  
"That's isn't true, Liam" I said flatly, looking at my hands. I could feel Harry's eyes watching me and this was strange, because I kinda enjoyed the feeling of it, and I was kinda happy that Liam noticed that was happening, what proved that I wasn't going mad.  
"He's looking at you all the time, Zayn, and now looking at me too, ready to kill me." Liam laughed, and I looked at him, rolling my eyes. "I think he's jealous" Liam said and I rolled my eyes again, making Liam laugh.  
"Can I take a picture of you?" Kelvin distracted us, asking to take a picture of Harry and George. Harry looked at George, who didn't outline any reaction, so then Kelvin stepped back and took a picture of the two, with George frozen in the same position. "Can I take one of yours?" Kelvin asked Harry, who smiled and said yes.  
He got up and went to a corner of the room, still holding the book he was reading in his hands. He had changed clothes and was wearing a black shirt with a black see through front, where was red roses embroidered on the fabric. His tummy and nipples were exposed by the transparent fabric and I could almost see clearly the huge butterfly tattoo he had in the stomach, as well as two fern leaves tattoos on his hips.  
Definitively not a shy person, Harry looked very confident in front of cameras, making poses as if reading the book, or putting his hands back and looking directly at the camera.  
"You don't even blink" Liam said laughing and I punched his arm, laughing together. It was nice to have Liam there with me, so I wouldn't be embarrassed alone. Kelvin thanked Harry for the photos and left, reviewing the pictures he had just taken.  
Harry closed the book and came to us, making Liam's laugh turn into an insane fake cough.  
"You must be Liam Payne" he said, reaching out to Liam, greeting him. Liam grinned, a little bit embarrassed. At that moment I was happy because I wasn't the only one who felt almost intimidated by the presence of Harry, or the only one who was with a red face of shame all the time.  
"Harry Styles, right? Nice to meet you" Liam said, with his eyes examining the curly one from head to toe.  
"Yeah..." Harry said as he sat in the chair in front of us and opened the book. "I hope you'll won't be disturbed by my presence, but I can't stand beside George anymore, I feel like I'm sit next to a dead living body." he said and Liam nodded, looking at George again.  
"So, Harry..." Liam said and I looked at him, knowing that he was with his 'journalist mood' on. Harry looked at him, closing the book. "What brings you here?" He asked and Harry smiled.  
"What brings you here, Liam?" He returned the question, surprising him.  
"Well, the money brought me here." Liam replied sincerely and I wanted stand and clap for him. I could never be this honest in a place surrounded way too people I didn't know.  
They could murder me, and my mom didn't knew I was there.  
"Your turn now, what brings you here? You don't seem to be a writer ..."  
"And how writers look like?" Harry returned the question again and I smiled. If I were in Liam's place, I would be with the nerves close to the surface, but I wasn't, so it was very fun to just watch.  
"Well... in this place, everyone seems to be older, more kinky and crazy." Liam said again with enviable frankness and Harry stared at him for a moment before smiling again.  
"Well, Liam, I may not be the oldest, but that doesn't mean that I'm not the craziest or most kinky one, as you said" Harry said looking at me, leaving us without reaction. With a smirk, he opened his book again, concentrating on it.  
"Are you someone's sugar baby?" Liam said and all I wanted was to yell at him. That's wasn't the type of question you do to someone, even though I wanted to know the answer.  
"No, I'm not" Harry said without looking at Liam, like he was already used to answer this. "And also I don't have rich parents."  
"Sorry for asking, it's just from all the people here, you're the most mysterious one" Liam said and Harry looked at him with raised eyebrows.  
"I'm the mysterious one or you didn't did your research?" Harry said closing the book, measuring Liam's reaction. All I could say is that Liam was pissed.  
"I did my research" Liam said slowly, with a heavy breath "But I haven't found anything relevant about you,Styles."  
"Maybe there's nothing to find about me, Liam"  
"That's impossible." Liam sighed.  
"Maybe I am a very reserved person." Harry said, turning his attention to the book again.  
"Maybe you're a very boring weird ass person" Liam whispered under his breath, but loud enough to Harry listen to.  
"Well, that's me Liam. If you don't like, there's nothing I can do about it." Harry said, closing his book as he got up "If you both excuse me, I'll finish my reading somewhere I can be boring and weird without annoying any regular-not-boring person" He said and left the room, going in the direction of the stairs.  
"What was that?" Liam laughed while I was shook.  
"I don't have the faintest idea" I said and started laughing, trying to understand what happened. Harry clearly wasn't a normal person, but I didn't know if Liam was right about him being boring.  
"Creepy" Liam said under his breath again, looking at me "You better don't be with him, I'll get you another crush, right?" He said and I laughed.  
"It's not on my plans to have a crush on anyone here, Liam" I said and he just stared at me, shaking his head in negative.  
A blonde lady who I hadn't seen before entered the room and went straight to George, lifting him and whispering things in his ear.  
"Maura Davies" Liam whispered to me "She takes care of George since everything happened, and is the only person he talks with."  
George got up, for the first time in hours, looked around the room where everyone watched him, and fixed his gaze on me. At that moment he didn't seem to be far away, he was focused on me and, worst of all, he was angry.  
"You!" George yelled. "You are a child of one of them, I know you! You have dirty blood! You carry death wherever you go!" George yelled getting closer to me, his face was red and his eyes were almost bursting with so much hate. I wasn't sure what to do or say: that attack on me made no sense, and everyone in the room was as perplexed as I was. "Your heart is like a rotten fruit and nothing good can come out of you! Nothing!" He yelled,and I felt like his head could explode at any moment.  
"What the hell are you talking about?" I said back and George got more anger. "You don't even know me." I said almost laughing,shaking my head to all that bullshit I was hearing. That men needed a medicine to calm down,he shouldn't be there.  
"I know you very well, child! I can see the darkness surrounding you!" He yelled, trying to hit me with his small hands,being forbidden by Liam who held his arm.  
"You're fucking crazy" I said and got up, while Liam and Roarke held George, and Maura tried to calm him down. I turned my back to everyone and all the mess,finding Harry standing on the stairs watching all the mess with a frown.  
Ignoring his presence,I went to my room.

_

 

I had a little more than an hour until dinner, so I decided to take a bath and relax a little. Locking the room door, I filled the bath tub with hot water and bubbles, taking off my clothes slowly while looking at the Castle outside. Apparently, there wasn't anything but a big gray wall around the property and lots of trees outside. I wasn't sure of where I was in the map, and if I had to escape somehow from inside I'd better sit down and wait for death come for me. The weather was getting worse and the rain was turning into a storm. I lit some candles that I found in one of the dresser’s drawers and put them on the floor, turning off the bathroom light and closing the door.  
The hot water bath was like a salve on an open wound. Like no one could ever be mean to me, no one would make me nervous, no one could yell at me while I was inside the bath.  
The last hours of the day had been insane, and although I know that nothing George said was true or made sense, I felt bad. Of all the people in the room, I was the one to be the target of an outbreak of someone who doesn't even know me.  
Closing my eyes, I tried to relax and expel all the flutter and rage that I was feeling, promising me that next year I wouldn't return to this Convention, for nothing, not even for a million dollars.  
After a few minutes in silence, finally I felt my body relax and my mind free from the words of George. I was calm, alone and comfortable. I'll come down the stairs as if nothing happened and eat the dinner at the table with the other guests. I'll talk to Liam, Kelvin and Marina. I’ll make some questions to Genevieve, Rebecca and Stephen. I will interview the twins with my camera maybe. I'll talk to Harry. I'll look in his eyes. I won't be shy, I wasn't going to shrink or hide.  
I sighed to feel my blood accumulating in lower places and opened my eyes, trying to get that feeling away.  
Long ago, I decided that I wouldn't involve myself with someone anymore. Not that I thought that something might happen to Harry, but I couldn't allow myself to feel something because I knew very well that it would ruin everything.  
I always had problems in relationships because I just couldn't be 100% of who I am , I didn't dare to show my "obscure" side to anyone or say aloud the desires that I kept hidden for a long time.  
Even that everything was strange: situation, place, or person, this wasn't wouldn't be the time where I could do it.  
Except in my mind.  
Closing my eyes again, I took a deep breath and let my hands run through my body under the hot water to get where I wanted most, where I needed the most. I let my hands run up and down on myself, feeling how hard I was, how needed I was. Without much shame, I came, choking aloud, picturing green eyes and big hands full of rings around me.

 

_

 

I was dressing myself when I heard the knock on the door. Wrapped in a white towel, I opened the door and found Harry holding a lollipop for me.  
"I came here in a good time huh?" He said, looking down to the towel with a smirk and I felt ashamed, like he would know by looking at me what I did a few minutes before, thinking about him. "You won't will invite me to in? I'll behave" Harry said, offering me the lollipop. I took the heart-shaped lollipop and stepped out the way as he entered the room, looking around. "Nice mirror" He said, laying in my bed.  
"In what can I help you Harry?" I said, putting my hands on my waist like my mom would do. Harry raised his eyebrows at me, obviously having fun with this situation.  
"You can help me with a lot of things..." He said, biting his inner lip as I rolled my eyes at him, pretending he was annoying, and not sexy as fuck as he actually was. "But," He said, raising a finger "I just came here to check up on you” Styles said heartily. I sighed, siting on his side.  
"I'm good, yeah" I said, opening the lollipop and putting him in my mouth.  
"I'm sorry for what happened. George is fucking crazy and you didn't deserve any of those words." Harry said holding my hand for a second, before letting go.  
"That's okay, I'm good.Thanks" I said, trying to focus on the lollipop flavor and forgetting how my body was reacting to his touch. Suddenly, I was too scared of having a boner right in front of Harry and ruin my 'I don't care about your pink lips and big hands' aesthetic.  
"He'll pay for what he did Zayn, that wasn't fair." Harry said, being too serious about it.  
"What do you mean?" I said, taking the lollipop of my mouth and staring at Harry.  
"Soon or later, we all pay for the things we do and don't do to other people." Harry said, taking the lollipop of my hand with his mouth "You don't have to worry about it..." He said licking the lollipop,then being distracted by the small orange bottle in my bed. "Last night you took these before sleeping?" He said pointing to it.  
"Yeah, unfortunately." I said, catching the little bottle and putting in the drawer of the bedside table. He still remembers what happened last night, and honestly this wasn't the best time of all to bring this up again.  
"That's okay, Zayn, I'm not here to judge you. I know how hard is to sleep in a place like this." He said getting up from the bed, going towards the mirror and fixing his hair.  
"I need to dress myself, Harry" I said annoyed by his presence, by the way he felt comfortable with absolutely every situation that could come up.  
"I don't care about nudity" He said with a smirk again and I rolled my eyes at him once more. He laughed. "Come on, Zayn, no one has to know..." Harry whispered and I got ashamed again. Not for his words, but for the boner I was having under the white towel.  
"Get out." I said and Harry pouted, thwoing himself in the bed again.  
"I won't look, I promise" He said closing his eyes and putting a pillow on his face to cover it.  
I wish I could choke him to the death with that pillow.  
"Get the fuck out of here, Styles" I said and he laughed again, getting up one more time and going to the door, where I was holding it open.  
"Yes Sir." He whispered close to my mouth while he got out of the room, licking the lollipop one last time before giving it back to me. Feeling a shiver through my body, I closed my eyes for a second, shutting the door while my mind was filled with new images of Harry.  
He was really good at distracting me, but I couldn't let that happen.

  
_

  
The dinner table was full when I came down and my seat was vacant between Marina and Harry, who was having what seemed to be a great chat. They smiled when saw me and I sighed. I was wearing black pants on his knees, a long black sleeve shirt and a brown jacket with light lining inside.  
I don't want to be smug, but I was really hot.  
Marina was wearing a long red dress with long sleeves and open back, her hair was pulled back in a bun on top of her head,also wearing a large gold earrings. Harry was wearing black pants ripped in the knees, brown boots and a blouse that reminded me of Tetris, in shades of brown, gray, beige and black.  
"Good evening" I said politely as I sat between the two, stopping myself from smiling with the way they looked at me.  
"Good evening, dear" Marina said, running a hand through my shoulder and down to my hand in a not very subtle way. Harry followed her movement with his eyes and then turned forward, shaking his head like he was trying to delete the scene from his mind.  
"Are you okay? Everybody was worried after what happened this afternoon ..." Genevieve, who was sitting next to Marina and I just smiled.  
"I'm fine, thanks." I said then it was Eve’s turn to draw our attention by knocking the knife in a crystal bowl.  
Eve made a short speech and we all started to eat, and this time, I was grateful for the chicken. Despite the bizarre and exotic foods - such as fried scorpion skewer – the ones considered "normal" were delicious.  
George wasn't sitting at the table again and I was grateful for that too. Beside me, Harry ate and talked with Olivia and Stephen about the scariest places they've been. Harry was very charming in his own way, and by just chat with them, he attracted several looks and smiles, including mine.  
"Tonight. In my room." Marina whispered in my ear as I chewed a piece of chicken. I looked at her without understanding what she meant, and unable to ask, since she was talking to one of the twins already.  
And then Harry was looking at me a smirk on his face.  
"What?" I asked, drinking a little bit of the wine that was in front of me. I knew just a little about wine, but that one was really good. Maybe it was the second or third glass I was drinking, but who was counting?  
"You're so innocent..." Harry said, while laughing, and I felt particularly offended. I wasn't innocent or naive, or inexperienced, or anything.  
"I'm not" I said, looking into his eyes, and Harry laughed again, taking a sip of wine as well.  
"Then why are you so confused about Marina's invitation?" He whispered and then I understood. Oh shit. I am innocent. Harry watched my reaction and I could tell that he was enjoying every moment of it.  
"Touché." I said and then I laughed because I was in a good mood, because I was comfortable, and because I was getting drunk.  
"If you exaggerate on it, you'll wake up with a terrible headache tomorrow" Olivia told us, smiling.  
"Yes ma'am" Harry said, putting the cup on the table and returning to eat.  
"So, Zayn, have you ever had some daunting experience?" Olivia asked me and I almost choked on the food.  
Yes. Last night.  
"Not really, " I said and Harry looked at me for a second, turning his attention to the dish right away. He knew the truth and he knew I was lying. "You had?" I asked her, and she smiled.  
"Several. A worse than the other ..." Olivia said, and we spent the next half hour hearing about how it was when she got lost in a forest without any communication with the world and spent twelve days there until finally they found her. "The mind is always our worst enemy, and in a situation like that, you become paranoid and begin to imagine millions of bad things until they become real." Olivia said and we agreed.  
"I know this very well" Harry said, wiping his mouth with a napkin.  
"Have you had any experience like this?" I asked, as he watched carefully the wine left in his the glass.  
"More than I would like to." He said, looking at me seriously, and then smiled. I didn't know if it was a joke or not  
And then a scream ended any conversation we could have.  
Maura was in the dining room entrance, completely out of control, screaming and crying as she pointed to the stairs. We quickly got up and when I thought about climbing the stairs, Harry and Liam were already up there. We went down the hall with many of the same doors and climbed to the second floor, where the last door on the right side was open.  
It was George Vickis’ room.  
Feeling anxiety consuming me, I stopped before I could see what happened, while Harry and Liam entered the room. Kelvin came faster with the camera, along with Roarke and Marina. Not knowing what to do, I entered the room and came across the most bizarre scene that I've had seen in my life.  
George was dressed in a large white hospital gown, lying on the floor with open arms and legs. His eyes were completely white and his mouth went a type of white liquid, almost foam.  
Everyone looked at me when I entered the room, and Marina cried down sitting on George's bed, watching.  
"Let's get out of here" Harry said, getting up and pulling me by the arm to his room. He quickly unlocked the door and pushed me inside, coming together and locking the door behind him. "Zayn?" Harry looked at me with concern, and I couldn't sketch any reaction. "Zayn?" He said again, lighting the lamps in the room.  
Coming to me, Harry pulled me to the floor and put my head between my legs while my arms were around them.  
"Take a deep breath. Calm down, " he said quietly, as he sat beside me, standing in silence while I was trying to think again. I felt my heart beat fast in my chest, and the blood pulsing through my veins. My breathing was too fast and my hands were cold. It was like I was out of my body watching everything that was going on.  
I've never seen someone dead before, not like that. George's eyes were open and he seemed to be staring at the dead above him and I knew that I could never take that image away from my head.  
Closing my eyes,I cried in silent for the horror of the situation.  
The voices changed in the hallway made me come back to reality, and I looked up to find Harry intently watching an orange bottle of medicine that looked very familiar.  
"This was lying beside him, Zayn" Harry said without looking at me, and I could feel the panic consuming me again.  
"I...I didn't...I would never" I whispered to Harry, almost crying again. Even on my worst days, I would never wish for anyone's death, especially in that way. I didn't knew George and even if he had attacked me earlier, I would never wish for him to die.  
"I know you didn't." Harry sighed, finally looking at me. "You can't talk about it to anyone, okay?" He said and I nodded,confused about what to do. I had never dealt with anything like that in my whole life and it was completely terrifying. "You need to get up and go to their news coverage and act as if none of this affects you." Harry said, getting up and pulling me along. "You need to act like a journalist. Don't panic."  
The voices in the corridor changed, only increasing, but inside the room - or in my head - it was impossible to distinguish or understand what they were saying.  
"I'm going to give this an end." Harry said, opening the door for me to leave, closed the door after and then locking it.  
Taking a deep breath, I still felt as if I wasn't master of my own thoughts and movements, but I forced myself to go to my room to pick up the camera and the microphone. The rush of the hall was huge, and somehow they were trying to get help, since there was no internet or phone signal.  
Unlocking the door, I pushed and turned the light on. Somehow, everything was the same, strangely like how I left, but inside me I knew that something was different, something was missing, something I didn't knew what it was ... I took a deep breath trying to regain control of my own body and felt my head spin due to the wine’s effect.  
Slowly, I took the key out of his jacket pocket that was on the bed and went to the dresser, unlocked the top drawer and took the small camera and the microphone, holding it on the collar of my shirt. I was cold and shaking. I avoided my own image on the mirror, knowing that my face was terrible just like how I was feeling.  
Once again, I went out into the hallway, where Eve and Roarke spoke loudly with some employees of the Castle, giving orders so they could get help soon. In George's room, I found Liam and Kelvin standing beside the body.  
Liam's gaze met mine and I knew he knew. And more than that, I knew he would keep the secret.  
"Apparently, he had a overdose" Liam started to say, while I was filming the body of George, unsure of what should be done. "He took too many pills for many different things: pain, rheumatism, ulcers, certain antidepressants and drugs to sleep" Liam continued and I knew what he was trying to do and I felt eternally grateful. "Maura is in shock and can't talk fow now, then we'll have to wait to understand what happened. Roarke is trying to call for help, but the phone signal here is non-existent, then it probably they'll have to go the town to get help, but only in the morning" He continued and I paid attention to every word he said, trying to understand how my sleeping pills had ended up there.  
I had left the room to go to dinner and had left the door locked, the pills were in the drawer, with some other things. No one there knew I was with that medicine.  
Kelvin left the room and I was alone with Liam, who covered George's body with a white sheet. I turned off the camera and looked at Liam, who came up and hugged me.  
"I know it wasn't you, but you need to be careful now, until we know exactly what's going on." He said and I nodded "Are you ok?" He said letting me, and I outlined a smile.  
"It's all right." I muttered, looking at George's room. It was very similar to mine, except for the mirror above the fireplace and the desk in his room that gave way to another bed.  
"The chances of him having committed suicide are almost 100%. So, you need to stay quiet." Liam said as he pushed me out of George's room, closing the door behind him.  
"Okay" I mumbled,taking a deep breath.  
The next few hours flew by.  
Gathered in the living room that had a large brown leather couch and several chairs from the same cloth, light walls - different from the rest of the house - and some bookshelves on the walls, Maura told us that she was taking a shower, and when she left the bathroom found George lying on the floor, dying. She wasn't sure of the details and didn't know exactly if there was something next to him, since all other pills were still in the drawer where she kept.  
"Did he say something before you go to the shower?" I asked, recording everything with my camera.  
"No. He was...normal...quiet...looking away, lost on his own mind..." Maura said, crying again, while Olivia and Genevieve tried to calm her down. She took a sip of the tea that Marie made for her and sighed. "What I don't understand is...he was so...he was almost in a vegetative state. He needed my help to do absolutely everything" She said, crying again, and I almost felt my heart drop on the floor.  
"But Maura, do you remember what he did earlier to Zayn?" Liam said, holding her hands. "He was on his own world and just in a few seconds, he became anger and insane. He probably did that to while you were in the shower. So, please, stop blaming yourself." He said and she nodded, taking another sip of the tea and, once again, I was more than grateful for Liam being there, being my friend and protecting me.


	4. Three

> _"I think hell is something you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go."_
> 
> Neil Gaiman, The Sandman
> 
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The hypothesis of suicide was accepted by all.  
Except by me.  
Everyone was sad for what happened, but the sense of relief was common. Clearly in there suicide wasn't a taboo and apparently everyone understood that George was experiencing great suffering, so death brought him the peace he had never been able to achieve in life.  
One of the of the house employeers - Alef - went to the city to find help to remove the body of the Castle. Maura went with him to give the news to those who should know. Two other men who worked in the Castle - Tom and Nolan - removed George's body from the room and moved to what should have been a kind of dungeon, where it was cold enough for the body not begin the process of putrefaction.  
Already it was after 2am when I finally went to the bedroom and lay down on my bed, turning off the camera and microphone. Everyone was heading to their rooms in the house, and I was pretty sure that I would be the only one who lose sleep that night.  
Taking off the boots, I closed my eyes and tried not to think about everything that was happening. I didn't feel safe there, even though I was closed and locked from the outside. I had no idea who could do that sort of thing with me, or how my medicine bottle ended up in George's room, or how I could handle it.  
Covering my face with the blanket, I forced my eyes to remain closed, knowing that feeling of being watched was all in my mind.  
I needed to find Harry and make some questions about what happened, about why he didn't showed up, about how that medicine bottle that only he knew about went to George's hands. I felt like I was going insane with all that happening in and out my mind, but at the same time I felt that Harry would never do that to me.  
Shoving a pillow in my face, I felt the fatigue take over me, and still feeling my head spin, I slept.

  
_Groans woke me up._  
At first, I thought I was caught in a dream again, but when I opened my eyes and turn on the lights I saw no redhead watching me sleep.  
There was a lightly noise of Marina's bed the noise of crashing against the wall and I could clearly hear the moans coming from her room.  
I didn't thought there was a mood for "party" within the Castle, but I was wrong again. Sitting in bed, I felt my head still spinning because of all the wine I had drunk earlier and wondered myself where Harry was. Unable to ignore the groans that grew louder every minute - or sleep because of them - I got up and left the room, not bothering to lock the door this time, since there's no use.  
With a few steps, I stopped in front of Harry's door and gave two soft beats. The groans were higher in the hallway, and I seemed to be the one who was bothered by it.  
Maybe all the other guests were there.  
Maybe Harry was there.  
Surely he was there.  
But he wasn't.  
Harry opened the door, wearing nothing but a gray boxer briefs.  
"Is everything all right?" He said, looking at me from head to toe. I was still dressed in the same clothes from dinner, except that I wasn't really hot anymore.  
I was a mess,a cold anxious fucked mess.  
"Can't sleep" I said, pointing at Marina’s room and he laughed, letting me in. This time, I could tell that his room was very similar to mine: four poster bed, a dresser, a fireplace - without the mirror above - a desk, and different from mine, Harry's room had a shelf books in the corner and a giant mirror near the bathroom door. "I ..." I looked at Harry, who was standing near the door, still watching me "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, knowing very well that this wasn't the question I had planned to make.  
"You have beautiful eyes, Zayn." He said, and this time I smiled, feeling completely fucked. Harry had a tiger tattoo on his thigh, and just above had a small tattoo written "Brazil", in addition to the two tattooed shins, and a lot of tattoos on arms and ribs.  
"Is there a part of your body that isn't tattooed?" I asked, without trying to disguise the fact that I was looking at every centimeter of his nice body.  
"Yeah, some places..." he said smiling, "Don’t you like tattoos?" Harry locked the door and approached me. From inside his room, it was extremely easy to ignore the muffled moans coming from Marina's room.  
"I love tattoos" I said, taking my coat and rolling up my sleeves, showing the huge collection that I had in my arms. Harry stood in front of me, and run his long warm fingers down my arms, watching each picture.  
"I thought you were a good boy, Zayn" He said and I could feel the mint smell coming from his mouth by proximity. Harry wasn't much taller than me, but it was a little considerable difference.  
"I'm a good boy" I said, closing my eyes, feeling the warm hands of Harry hold me by the waist.  
"You're still drunk" he said, rubbing his lips to mine, and I felt as if an electric current was passing through my body "and had a hard day" Harry continued and I frowned, longing for his kiss. His hands then went up to my face, holding on both sides, as my fingers slowly up at his bare torso to his shoulders. I could feel Harry's smile on my lips, and then his hands were no longer on my face and my hands were no longer on his shoulders.  
Opening my eyes, I saw that he had turned away and was watching me impassively at a safe distance.  
"Let's sleep" he said lying on the right side of the bed.  
"Harry ..." I started to protest, but he had turned his back to me, so all I could see was his back and strong shoulders, and his round and firm ass.  
Snorting, I took off my clothes and threw it on the bed next to Harry who had his eyes closed. He held his hair in a bun, and his pink lips were slowly open. I turned off the lights and kept myself in silence beside him. His breathing was quiet and his body was warm.  
"Harry, you were the only one who knew about the pills" I whispered and he sighed.  
"Do you think it was me, Zayn?" His voice was hoarser than ever, and I felt tears coming to the surface. I honestly didn't thought that Harry did that but what did I knew about him?  
"No." I whispered back "But I don't know you, I don't even know your middle name." I said and I think that Harry smiled at me.  
" _Edward."_ He sighed "My middle name is Edward. I came from Cheshire and I used to be a baker." He said and I laughed, still feeling my heart heavy inside my chest "I didn't did that, Zayn. I'll never do anything to harm you. You don't deserve this."   
"I'm sorry" I whispered in the dark, feeling tears running down my face and wetting the pillow. I was sorry for so much there. All I wanted was to sleep and wake up in my house, in my bed, without all this fear and insecurity that were inside me.   
"All right Zayn, you need to stay calm now. I'm here, I won't leave you" Harry said, pulling me closer until his arms were around me and my head was resting on his chest.  
"I didn't kill him." I whispered, wetting Harry's warm skin with my tears.  
"I know" he whispered back, kissing the top of my head and remaining silent. Tears came out involuntarily and despite the silence and darkness of the room, I knew that Harry could hear everything, even if I didn't say anything out loud. His fingers slowly ran down my back, making me shiver and relax at the same time.  
The tears ceased and I closed my eyes.  
  


_

 

I woke up alone in bed without any certainty of what happened. Not that I didn't remember, but I refused to believe in everything that happened in one night only. Sitting in bed, I felt a bitter taste in the mouth and head spinning slightly. Getting up slowly, I walked to Harry's bathroom and opened the door into the bathroom, going to the sink to wash my face.  
"Good morning" Harry said and I opened my eyes, finding a Harry completely wet and naked in the shower. My eyes went down to where they shouldn't and I felt my face burn with shame when Harry laughed. The glass shower was wet and blurry, not letting me see anything.  
"Good morning, I saw, I, I didn't mean ... I ... Good morning, " I said and Harry laughed harder, his laughter echoing in the bathroom practically empty. There was no bath there, to the misfortune of it.  
"Why don't you come take a shower with me?" He said, and I felt even more embarrassed, remembering last night.  
"Hmmm, I think not now" I said, thinking about just running away from his room.  
"You aren’t rejecting me, are you?" Harry said, pretending to be upset. "Yesterday, I thought you wanted me ..." He said. I covered my face with my hands and went out of the bathroom without looking back. My clothes were folded on the chair, and I sneaked inside my pants wanting to get out of that room as fast as possible.  
Not that Harry was wrong.  
But I couldn't.  
Picking up the shirt and jacket, I left Harry's room and bumped into Marina and Olivia, who didn't seem one bit surprised to see me coming out of Harry's room in the morning, with messy hair and half-naked.  
"Apparently we weren't the only ones who had a great night" Olivia said, and they both laughed as I tried to maintain my dignity.  
"Good morning, ladies" I said entering my room and slamming the door behind me. Again, everything was strangely equal and different, as if someone had entered my room and moved the things, and then placed it in the very place it was before.  
But I was paranoid. So, my opinion wasn't the most reliable.  
I ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth; I took a cold shower and got ready for the day that was coming.  
Now, in the morning, everything was clear in my mind: no matter what happened, I had to stay calm and act like I wasn't part of it. George had committed suicide and somehow managed to be with my medicine bottle. That he also had one exactly like mine. There would be no reason to distrust me. Harry had destroyed my medicine bottle. There was no digital. There were no videos. There were no witnesses because there was no murder. He committed suicide. He took his own life. I had no fault.  
Putting a blue jeans and a purple cardigan, I looked out the window and saw that it had started to snow in the morning, which meant that external activities would be canceled. Putting my old and battered all star, I fixed my hair in the mirror of the bed with a strange feeling inside me.  
I still felt observed, even in daylight, even alone.  
It has been passed from 8 in the morning when I came down to find the complete coffee table with everyone there. Most people had changed their place at the table, but beside Harry still had an empty chair, and I knew it was for me.  
Embarrassed, I sat next to Harry without looking at his face.  
He was talking to Liam, who looked at me and smiled, turning his attention to Harry. Clearly breakfast speech had happened and no one mentioned George to me, as if he had never been there.  
"Good morning, dear" Marina said across the table to me, and I forced a smile. "Glad to hear that your evening was as good as ours" she said and I almost dug a hole in the ground and stuck my face there, to hide from everyone. Now she had the attention of Harry, who stared at her with a glare.  
If he had laser eyes, she would be headless.  
"That's okay, Harry, don't need to be jealous, " she continued and I closed my eyes, more embarrassed than ever "We would love to have you both in our parties, but we understand that you are a selfish one."  
"Marina darling, my door yesterday was locked, not open like yours, and this mean I want privacy in what I do, so I would appreciate if you don’t make assumptions about what you think that happened in my room, when you clearly don't know anything at all. I believe thay in your room you had a lot to worry about, right? " Harry said and then took a sip of tea, leaving everyone with open mouths.  
"Tea?" Olivia asked and almost everyone accept immediately, looking for something to do or look as Marina stared at Harry, petrified.  
The breakfast was quick, with everyone wanting to get away from that strange atmosphere that was in the air after Harry's clap back. Speaking of the devil, he hadn't spoken to me for all the coffee time.  
"Ladies and gentlemen, If you follow me to the theater, we'll have a discussion on 'The Greatest Works Of Horror Literature' " Roarke said and all of us followed him to the theater.  
"Harry?" I called, and he stopped, leaving the crowd following Roarke as he waited patiently for me to say something. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday. And today. I shouldn't have done it and ..."  
"Do you regret what you did?" Harry said, raising an eyebrow, testing me.  
"Well ... yes. I shouldn't" I sighed, feeling a child apologizing to parents for telling a bad word at the dinner table.  
"In fact, you only have to apologize for snore all night long, and for not talking to me on breakfast..." he said with and left, following the nonexistent crowd to the theater.  
"I don't snore ..." I said to his back, watching him leave.

 


	5. Four

> _"Open your arms and pray to the truth that you're denying_   
>  _Give in to the game to the sense that you've been hiding"_
> 
> Desire - Years & Years 
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That was probably the most boring discussion I had ever heard in my life. While everyone there defending their favorites, no one was really concerned to discuss the book and their literary qualities that made it be the greatest work to prove to the other that their choose one was the best.  
 _Because yes._  
 _Because I said it._  
 _Because it's my favorite._  
 _Because I want._  
 _You're wrong._  
I was almost sleeping in small chair on the "Theater", which had a small stage where they put two microphones for the debate and had 30 seats in three rows. The acoustics were amazing, as well as the modern look. The walls were black and had small lamps around the room, leaving the main lighting for the stage, which had a traditional red curtain and an exit to the aisle on the left.  
Tired of writing down such nonsense discussion, I began to draw on the little note book that I carried with me. Nothing too big or that makes sense: cactus, aliens, eyes, breasts, bad words...  
"Sounds interesting " Harry said, pointing at my drawings, and I smiled. He sat beside me and looked as uncomfortable with that debate as me.  
"It is more interesting than this debate. With no shadow of a doubt." I said back, and he laughed.  
"I agree." he whispered, turning his attention to the stage, where Genevieve and Olaf were practically yelling at each other. "Want to go somewhere else?" Harry said and I didn't even have to think about the answer.  
"Now." I said and we got up, leaving the theater quickly.  
"What was that?" He asked laughing as he walked toward the door of the Castle funds.  
"I haven't the faintest idea" I replied, laughing together because of all the things that happened there, that was one of the craziest. "Where are you going?" I asked, and Harry stopped, looking at me.  
"I thought we could take a walk through the gardens ... you don't want?"  
"It's snowing" I said pointing to the hall window. Outside all the grass was turning white, covered with snow. Harry watched for a moment the weather outside and then turned to me.  
"What do you want to do, then?" He said and I stopped to think for a moment. There was no internet there, no telephone, no television, which limited our choices.  
"I don't know" I replied, looking at my feet. My shoe was extremely dirty, and my mother would pull my ear if she saw it.  
"Library?" Harry suggested, and I stopped to think for a second.  
"Why don't we go around the Castle? For a few days I've been here and I haven't seen half of the place..." I said and Harry nodded, indicating a hallway much like all the others.  
"Let's go this way then, " he said and I smiled, following the path he had indicated. "Here on the ground floor there isn't much to see ... Not now ... In the old days, all these huge halls were filled with art and furniture carved in wood and gold, the Wards weren't the kind of family who liked to save." Harry said and I raised an eyebrow  
"I didn't know you knew the Castle story, " I said and he stared at me for a moment, without a answer.  
"I'm curious, " Harry whispered as we continued down the hall to what appeared to be a ladder, descending into the basement. "Do you want to come down?"  
"Is George down there?" I asked, a little unsure. I knew it was colder down there and so they had taken George there and I was quite sure that I didn't want to find his body again, not even in my thoughts.  
"Yeah, but I wasn't planning on taking you to the dungeon ..." Harry said biting his bottom lip and winking at me like a trucker driver and I had to laugh.  
"Where you want to take me then?"  
"There's an incredible wine cellar downstairs, probably one of the nicest places in the Castle. I thought it was a good idea, considering the fact that you're shaking" Harry said with a smirk on his face and I laughed, agreeing with his statement. It was cold. I hated cold.  
We went downstairs and all was made of gray stone as well as the outside of the Castle. The staircase was snail-shaped, but with steps wide enough to pass a car there. The underside of the Castle didn't seem to have been restored as the top, with some torches - still erased - on the wall all the way.  
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, stopping to look at me. He went ahead and seemed to know the way very well.  
"Nothing, " I said, ignoring the icy chill that ran down my spine. Somehow, that wasn't working for me, but at the same time, I trusted Harry blindly as I shouldn't do at all.  
And then we reached the end of the staircase, where there was a long hallway that divided into four more. Harry went to the second corridor, where we descended another small ladder and reached what was the largest wine cellar I had ever seen in my life.  
"We're here" Harry announced with a smile on his face. The walls were brown, with several wooden shelves scattered all around. Some shelves had drawers and small cabinets for storing older or special wines; there was a piece of glass on top, with a few crystal goblets and hundreds, thousands of bottles of wine all over the place. The floor and ceiling were made of wood too, the lights were low and weak, it was definitely warm inside, enough for Harry to take off his black coat, displaying his light-colored shirt and motorcycle print in shades of blue is red. "What?" He said, tossing his coat into one of the leather armchairs in the middle of the room.  
"How did you know about this place?" I asked, wanting to take off my woolen top but remembering that there wasn'thing else underneath.  
"Didn't you like it?" Harry said turning his back to me and examining the bottles of wine.  
"I like it" I said watching him pick a bottle very carefully, taking two glasses and turning to me.  
"Domaine Leflaive Montrachet Grand Cru, crop of 96, straight from France" He said with a French accent and I laughed loudly.  
"I didn't understand half of what you said" I said and he laughed, opening the bottle of wine and pouring into each cup and handing me one, coming back to my side and bringing the bottle along.  
"A toast" he said, raising his glass, looking into my eyes.  
"A toast ..." I repeated, not knowing exactly what to bring. Another day? Hadn't died? Not been accused for George's death? Was still dressed next to Harry?  
"Let’s have a toast to our darkest desires, to our inner secrets." He said pounding the crystal bowl on mine lightly, then turning the glass and sniffing the wine before taking a sip. For a moment I just stood there, watching Harry. I hadn't really understood the meaning of those words, but I knew very well the way they had worked inside me.  
Without much ceremony, I took a sip of the wine, and felt as if my mouth were the site of a great and delicious party. "That bottle costs at least $ 6, 000" Harry said, staring at the glass of wine and I almost choked.  
"We shouldn't be here" I said, feeling suddenly nervous.  
"We _should_ be here." He said going to the armchairs and sitting on one of them, bringing the bottle of wine with him. "Life is too short to be regretting, Zayn ... Anyway, we’ve opened the bottle already ... the least we can do is drink the wine" Harry said and I felt like he was talking about another thing, but when comes to Harry, I couldn't assume anything.  
Going to him, I sat in the armchair beside and closed my eyes. It was extremely relaxing to be there at that moment - even if inside the Castle - I was isolated from all the others who were there. Eyes closed, I took another sip of the wine, while Harry was quiet.  
It was pretty easy to organize my thoughts and tasks inside my brain,to think about everything that happened and everything I should do to make sure that nothing of that repeat again. I needed to make some questions to Harry,but not in that moment. Everything was good. Quiet. Peaceful.   
When my glass was empty, I opened my eyes and found Harry watching me closely. Without saying a single word, he took the bottle and refilled my glass.  
"Do you know the history of the Castle?" I said, uncomfortable with the silence all of a sudden. Like all the time I was thinking with myself he was able to listen to.  
"Yes, you don't?" Harry asked and I shook my head.   
"Tell me"   
"Well ... this area was inhabited by the Wards, an extremely wealthy family that didn't like outside companies. Both parts of the family - Duke Walter and Duchess Elisa - were descended from kings and queens, and married at their families will. The Duchess was Irish, and you can see her in many of the paintings in the Castle" Harry said, taking another sip of wine. " She was a redhead, with green eyes and white skin with many freckles. The Duke was a descendant of Spanish, had dark eyes and hair - there are some paintings of him around here too ..."  
Then I realized that I hadn't given enough attention to the paintings and sculptures that were scattered throughout the Castle, after all I hadn't seen any of these paintings.  
"So ..." Harry continued, "They had three children: a boy - the oldest son - and a couple of twins, the boy looked like his father, and the couple looked like their mother. The Duke was into hidden things, people said that he was a kind of 'magician who manipulated enemies and allies by force of magic'. There is a bit of lost history, but what they tell is that the Duke one night went completely mad, and ended up taking the life of the Duchess who slept with his firstborn, whom he also murdered" Harry said and I took another sip of the wine, and I was hating that all the stories that people told me in that place always ended with several deaths.  
"And then, after he saw what he did, he went into despair, and fearing the servants of the Castle would tell outside people what he did to his wife, he poisoned them all by the food, and hanged himself soon after. The twins, who didn't eat the same food that everyone else survived, and stayed alone. They grow up alone, without anyone to raise and educate them. Few years passed by and Alice learned how to read and write alone and her sibling, Phillip, taught himself how to raise and slaughter animals. Alice cooked, Phillip repaired the broken things. Alice read and Phillip painted." Harry looked at me, taking another sip of her wine and refilling our glasses again.  
He sighed and then cleared his throat "But then the two grew up, and they entered puberty. They lived alone and found themselves undergoing changes in their bodies, their voices, and within themselves - and at that time they had no textbooks about that - until one night, the two of them were sharing the same bed and ended up in each other's arms."  
I sighed on disapproval and Harry stared at me.  
"Don't you dare look at me like _this_ , Zayn. I have a sister and I would never do that” Harry said, reproving me, and I smiled sheepishly. "That was a different time and that was more common than you think ... Anyway ..." He took another sip of the wine, closing his eyes as if trying to remember the story.  
"They fucked ..." I said.  
"Oh yeah, of course." Harry smirked and then continued. “They started to live as a couple. Alice spent her days reading in the library, and sometimes writing short stories, until one day she began to keep a diary. Some time passed, Alice and Phillip continued to live isolated from the world here, until Alice's belly began to grow and grow. One night, Phillip woke up with her cries, and found her bleeding on the floor in labor. Alice wrote in the diary about it, saying it was the most terrifying experience she had ever had, calling the twins she had as little devils. The twins looked a lot like their parents, except for the fact that they had different colored eyes - hazel and green ... " Harry said and I practically screamed, making Harry stop and look scared at me.  
"The twins ... I ... The Red King, " I stammered,ashamed of my reaction.  
"Oh yeah, Dionysus was inspired by the history of this Castle to write the book." Harry said, crossing his legs and watching me.  
"How do you know that?" I asked, leaning forward. Harry was silent for a moment and smiled.  
"It's a pretty obvious thing when you read the book and you know this story, Zayn, " he said and I almost snorted with rage, feeling like an idiot. "May I continue?" He said and I nodded, leaning back in the chair again. "So, Alice didn't want to and didn't know how to be a mother. She said that the twins hurt her every time she tried to breastfeed them, while Phillip paid less and less attention to her, always keeping an eye on the twins. Ten years after the last update on her diary passed, and the twins are already in their early teens. Alice tells how she found books about hidden magic and powerful forces on nature, about how she feels powerful, renewed, as if all that suffering in her life had only had the purpose to make her stronger,as a test for the worthy of receiving the 'gift of magic', as it says." Harry finished the glass of wine and placed it on the side of the bottle, looking at me.   
"She says she has demonic visions, says that the twins watch her while she sleeps, that Phillip ignores her as if she were invisible. She says that every night she meets The Devil in their room, and that they make love in bed where Phillip sleeps..." Harry paused for a second, measuring my reaction.  
"And then the next date jumps a year since the last, and she writes the last night she had, meticulously describing how she poisoned Phillip's soup with cyanide, then she went to sleep and woke with the twins staring at her from the end of the bed. She calls them demonic, says they want to steal her power, and describes the way she found it to put an end to it. Two days go by and she writes again in the diary, but isn't her handwriting anymore." He paused dramatically.  
"C'mon Harry,I hate suspense" I cried a bit,and he smiled.  
"It was Rosalie, Alice's daughter. She describes how she discovered what her mother had planned. Before she could do what she planned, Rose and her brother cut her mother's neck as she lay in bed, naked, appearing to be in _ecstasy_ " He said and I closed my eyes, trying to get those images out of my head.  
I didn't want to think about a demon-possessed-naked-freak mother, much less a child cutting her own mother's neck and watching her choke on her own blood. Undoubtedly, Dionysus's book though based on this story was less macabre.  
"Rose also writes that she would burn the 'magic books', and that she would seek help outside the castle. This is the last record of the diary, after which nobody knows exactly what happened. The castle was closed for decades, and then closed for more decades to public visitation until they decided to reform and restore. We are the first ones here in centuries" Harry said with a sigh, watching my reaction, "You're okay?" He said, and I looked at him, watching his face.  
"How do you know all this?" I asked, trying to focus on something other than the story he had told me. I have been told several times that ignorance is a blessing, and I think that at that moment it applied perfectly.  
"I read Alice's diary and Roarke told the story too, on the first night here at the Castle."  
"I wasn't here on the first night, I mean, didn't get here early" I said, and Harry smiled again.  
"I know, I would never forget your eyes if I had seen it before…" he said, taking the wineglass out of my hand and placing it on the side of the bottle. I rolled my eyes, but this time Harry didn't smile at that. "You have beautiful eyes, Zayn"  
"What do you want from me, Harry?" I asked, watching him bring his face closer to mine. His eyes glittered and watched me closely.  
"What do you want from me, Zayn?" He whispered, running his fingers over my face, making me shiver. Harry approached me and I closed my eyes, feeling his breath on my face. "You just have to say" he whispered, running his long fingers over my face.   
I opened my eyes and watched Harry, who patiently waited for my answer. His pupils were dilated, leaving his eyes darker than normal.  
"I can't ..." I whispered, wanting that wasn't the truth. There is no explicit rule that said that I couldn't have a _thing_ to someone during the Convention, but I knew very well that, if this happened all the almost nonexistent focus I had would be extinct. I stood up, trying to escape Harry's charm, turning my back to him trying to avoid his gaze.  
"No one has to know..." Harry got up too and came to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and sticking his body into mine. In that way, I could feel the heat coming from Harry's body, as well as his bulge against my hip.  
"Harry ..." I sighed, feeling a warm mouth of Harry kiss the back of my neck as his hands held me close to him by the waist.  
"I want you" He whispered in my ear, biting the earlobe "And I know you want me too" he said, kissing behind my ear. I put my hands in the counter in front of me; my mind was just a mixture of colors and feelings. _"Make me yours"_ Harry whispered again, his voice hoarser, and it was like those words were a secret key to arouse my madness.  
So I lost all my control.  
"Shit ..." Turning to Harry without thinking too much, I held his face on my hands, and before I could figure it out what I was doing, I was kissing him. We were a mix of warmth and heat, lips and tongues, confusion and feelings. Inside my chest, a nuclear bomb had exploded and I had no control over anything.  
Harry's hands went up to my neck and face as my hands went down to his shirt almost all open, feeling a softness of Harry's skin, his chest hair, the heat radiating from his body to mine.  
It was primitive and delicious.  
Biting my lips, Harry pushed his mouth away from mine, trying to catch his breath with a smile.   
"I've been imagining this for long..." Harry whispered, leaning his forehead against mine and closing his eyes. His hands still held me close to his body, and I smiled.  
"Too long?" I whispered back and Harry bit his lower lip with guilty.  
"More that I could tell..." He answered, sighing.   
"Two days Harry" I said,playing with Harry neclkess.  
"What?" He said consufed,kissing my cheek then bitting it.  
"We met for two days. This isn't too long"  
"For me it is" Harry bit my lower lip and kissed me again, softer and slowly this time, making me groan while I pressed our bodies together, feeling my growing erection against his. "We should go to another place" He whispered again, breaking the kiss apart and taking a step back.   
"Where do you want to take now?" I said, trying to breath normally. My mind was rush and I was sweating under that wool sweater. Harry was a mess too and I was glad that we shared the same _feeling_.  
"To heaven, maybe" He said with a smirk and I rolled my eyes again, making him laugh.  
"You're ridiculous" I said, watching Harry take the wine bottle and the empty glass on between his fingers "Are we taking this?" I asked and he smiled again.  
"Absolutely...Come with me?" He said going to the door, waiting for me. And just because I was completely fucked, I followed him once more, knowing that my chances of having a happy end with that were equal or lower than zero.

_

 

It was almost lunchtime when we went upstairs again. Some guests were in the living room talking, while others were in their rooms.  
"Zayn!" I heard Roarke scream as I climbed the stairs to the first floor along with Harry. His cheeks were redder than ever, and for the first time he seemed to be angry. Approaching us, Harry made no attempt to hide the bottle of wine and the glasses he carried in his hands. "You left in the middle of the debate, can I ask why?" He asked, lowering his voice.  
I heard Harry take a deep breath behind me, as if preparing to answer Roarke.  
"Is there some problem with that?"   
"Well, you should be writing and covering everything that happens in the Castle...not walking around with..." He stopped talking, giving Harry death stare.  
Harry raised his eyebrows to Roarke,giving him a glare.   
"I don't understand where the problem is, I'm not required to participate in all the Castle's activities, Roarke. And also I _can_ and _will_ walking around with all the amazing guests and hear their stories" _And kiss their mouths, enjoy their bodies too._  
Roarke snorted, and his face grew even redder. "I expected more from you ..." he said, looking at Harry and then at me, turning his back and walking out toward the kitchen. Harry followed him with his eyes without blinking.  
"Let's go, " I whispered to Harry, putting my hand on his waist and pulling him up the stairs.  
"What was that?" He asked, shaking his head. I wasn't sure about what just happened, but Roarke seemed to not be so friendly and lovable as I thought he was. It was very clear that Harry wasn't his favorite person and probably now me neither.  
"I have no idea." " I said, following Harry.


	6. Five

_"I don’t think there’s anything sadder than when two people are meant to be together and something intervenes."_

Walter Bishop

* * *

 

 

Going upstairs, this time I really paid attention to all the paintings that were in the room, and if it was possible, I would kick my own ass for not see them until now. What type of journalist I was? Pay attention to the details was what I supposed to do,better than other people. But in that place, I was someone completely different of who I was outside.  
Not that it was a bad thing.  
Many paintings of the Duchess were scattered all over the place in all the floors, her eyes followed us everywhere we go and I couldn't find this more disturbing.  
“What?” Harry said with a smirk.  
Obviously, he was a better observant than I was, and again I was losing the game.  
“Almost all the paintings are from her” I said and he nodded, smiling.  
“The Duke was really in love with her... Obsessed in fact. They said that the main reason why they moved to here was to keep Elisa far from the others man gaze.” Harry said, staring at Elisa's paint, shaking his head in desaproval. She was really pretty, her rose cheeks and bright eyes made her look healthy and young.  
"And you know about this for reading the journal or Roarke told you?" I asked, curious. The Castle's history was really amazing, but we were there for less than a week, the fact of Harry know the whole story was kinda weird.  
But he was weird in fact.  
"It's a secret" he whispered approaching me with a smirk, kissing me again. I knew very well what he was doing, but I didn't want to stop it. Placing both hands on Harry's face, I felt his arms around me, bringing me close to his body.  
"... I'm so sorry Eve, I don't know how it happened..." The voice of Lucas Wood made me jump back, scared. Harry looked at me like I was crazy, and then he pushed me against the wall. I thought he was going to kiss me again, but instead he put a hand on my mouth and motioned for me to just hear.  
"Let me go!" I said pounding into Harry's arms making him let me go without paying attention on me, hidden behind the wall. We were relatively well hidden by the curve of the wall that accompanied the staircase.  
But I wasn't sure about why we were hidden.  
"That's fine dear, no problem at all" Eve told Lucas. Discreetly, I peered out from behind the wall and the two of them were standing in front of the door of Lucas's room, while Eve hunted in the correct bundle of keys. Lucas was in jeans and sneakers, a Princeton sweatshirt, and the omnipresent gold chain was on his neck.  
"I'm sure it was in my pocket ..." Lucas said with a sigh, looking frustrated with the whole situation. Beside me, Harry watched the scene without blinking.  
"I'm going to ask the employeers to look around the house, if any of them find they'll return the key to me." Eve said, holding up a key and smiling at Lucas. She opened the bedroom door and he walked in with Eve, closing the door right after.  
Harry got up, going into the hallway and unlocking his bedroom door, leaving it open so I could get in.  
"You're a weirdo, know that?" I said as Harry put the glasses and the bottle on top of his dresser, frowning. In that way, he didn't seem to be as young as I thought he should be.  
Analyzing what had just happened, I didn't understood his reaction. Lucas lost the key. Eve opened the room for him. The End.  
"Am I weird?" Harry looked offended as he threw his head forward and ruffled his fringe, throwing it back again and staring at me. "Am I the stranger one Zayn? Don't you think _that was_ a bit strange?  
"Eve have room keys reservations, what is wrong about that?" I replied, sitting on the bed facing Harry.  
"Zayn, you always leave your room locked" Harry said crouching in front of me, holding my hands and looking into my eyes.  
"Yeah... so what?"  
"Eve has all the keys to every room. She can come in and out of every room when she wants." Harry said slowly, watching my reaction with a frown.  
For a moment, I was quiet staring into Harry's green eyes. He had beautiful eyes.  
"You think ... Eve came into my room?" I said slowly, trying to absorb what he told me.  
"Sounds pretty likely" he said, sitting beside me on the bed.  
"And you think she went into my room, got my pills, went into George's room and don't know, killed him?" Looking at Harry, I saw that this was exactly what was he thinking.  
"I don't think she _killed_ him, but she may opened the door for someone who did it." Harry's eyes sparkled, and his pupils were dilated. I wasn't sure whether he was excited or insane, but the line between was very thin.  
Then I remembered that I didn't knew yet what Harry was doing in that place, even though he appeared to be a lover of terror now. His theory reminded me very much of what I read on the internet in the Dionysus discussion forum.  
One crazier than the other.  
"Harry, are you listening to what you're saying?" I asked, unable to contain the laughter. He was watching me now, his eyes losing their shine and his eyebrows almost knotting together without understanding what was happening.  
"Where is the funny?" he said, severely offended. I couldn't control myself, throwing myself back on the bed and laughing until tears came out of my eyes and I lacked air. Harry was watching me patiently, his jaw locked, his eyes darker than normal.  
"You ... I ..." I said between the laughter,trying to catch my breath. Harry then stood up and went to the window, staring at the snow that was falling weakly out there. Sitting on the bed, I took a deep breath, trying to control myself. "I think that is quite impossible, that this theory you have...be real."  
Getting up, I went to Harry who continued to observe the green horizon outside the Castle.  
"What makes you doubt?" He said without looking at me, folding his arms.  
"I don't think Eve would do such a thing to me" I replied, watching Harry sigh.  
"Sometimes you're so naive. Too pure for this world, " he whispered, closing his eyes like he was trying to calm down.  
"I'm naive?" I asked, annoyed by the way Harry was talking to me. I was a man of almost 24 years, not a child of 7 who still believes in Santa Claus.  
"Zayn, you don't see the facts ..." Harry opened his eyes and turned to me.  
"I see the facts, yeah." I said, and Harry shook his head in negative, making my blood boil in anger. Taking two steps back, I took a deep breath, while Harry watched, confused. "First, there's absolutely nothing wrong about her having an extra key to the Castle doors,this is what normal people do when they have so many guests and doors. Second, the day George died Eve spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen preparing dinner, so she wasn't the one who opened my door. Third, she didn't know about the sleeping pills, nobody knew about the pills ..." I sighed, and suddenly felt dizzy.   
Taking a step back, feeling my blood run fast and icy cold in my veins,remembering the questions I supposed to do to Harry. "But you...nobody but you. You knew about the pills " I whispered, as I watched Harry's face clearly turn into a scared grimace.  
"Zayn... We already had this conversation." He took a step forward, trying to touch my arm as I took two more steps back.  
The feeling inside my chest made me feel sick, it was as if suddenly my legs were made of jelly. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and gathered all my strength, forced myself to look into Harry's eyes.  
"You saw the pills in my room Harry." I said, watching Harry's frightened eyes.  
"Yes I did." He said taking a deep breath. "And I would never do that to you, Zayn" he said, stepping forward again, but I went faster and slipped out of his arms. "You know that."  
"You were the only Harry, the only one who saw, the only one who knew." I spoke louder, suddenly nervous about all that situation.  
I never thought I'd be stupid, I never thought I'd get to that level, I never thought I'd hate myself so much for trusting someone and be this blind.  
"Zayn, look at me." Harry said quietly and I turned my face away. I didn't want to look at him,not now,not anymore.  
"You tried to blame someone else, but you just blamed yourself., " I said with a sad smile, feeling a bitter taste in my mouth.   
"I didn't blamed myself, because I did anything. I would never do something like that" Harry sighed, looking into my eyes.  
"I don't trust you." I whispered back.  
"Zayn..." He closed his eyes as if he were asking for divine intervention. Harry then opened his eyes, and I couldn't read them. He was impassive.  
"I don't know who you are, I don't know what you are doing here, I don't know where you live, I don't know what you do for living, I don't know the name of your pets. I don't trust you" I said going toward the bedroom door, but then Harry stopped me, standing in front of me.  
"You're being irrational, jumping into conclusions" he said, and I could feel his warm, fast breath mingling with mine.  
"Me,irrational?" I laughed, throwing my arms up. "You just accuse a woman who has nothing to do with this mess just because you saw her opening a bedroom door! Am I irrational?!" I screamed, unable to believe he was saying it to me.  
"Okay, maybe I'm being irrational too Zayn, but look at me" he said putting his hand on my face "I would never do that to you and you know it."  
"I don't know a shit." Pushing Harry hard, I watched him stagger back and lean against the canopy of the bed to keep from falling.  
"Why the hell would I try to incriminate you ?!" He screamed, grabbing my arm as he tried to keep his balance.  
"I don't know, I don't know you! Maybe you're just another maniac, someone pervert who wants to hurt other people for fun!" I yelled back, watching Harry release my arm immediately, as if an electric current had passed through my body and he had been shocked.  
"Zayn" He whispered under his breath, looking down. "I'll tell you everything you want to know, but please look at me..." I turned to Harry, looking into his eyes. "It wasn't me. I would never do that to you" he said, holding out his hand as if to reach me, but I was already leaning against the door, out of his reach.  
I closed my eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. I knew very well that all this my reaction was because of the anger, and maybe I was actually reacting irrationally, but that was my life and my name in game, and nothing I said was a lie. "Where's the bottle?" I asked, trying to focus on real arguments and trying to get away from my feelings a little.  
"What?"  
"You found the bottle with the body, you said you were going to destroy it, and you disappeared all night. Where is the bottle?" I asked, staring into Harry's eyes for theslightest sign of hesitation or doubt.  
"I burned it" he replied firmly, stepping forward in my direction.  
"Burned it?" I asked, disbelieving.  
"I burned the plastic and the label with your name, I dissolved the pills, throwing them in the drain" Harry replied without taking his eyes off mine.  
"How can I be sure?"  
"You're going to have to trust me... Zayn! Shit!" Harry shouted, looking up and staring at the ceiling. After a few seconds he sighed deeply, looking back into my eyes. "Look... Of all the people in this Castle, you're the only one I ..."  
"What? Am I the one...?" I said, tooking a step toward him, knowing that his defense options were at an end. Appealing to the feelings was something low, and that was what he was doing.  
"You're the only one I really like, the only one I would never hurt at all. The one who look at me without..." He closed his eyes again,sighing "Zayn, I burned the bottle and gave a end to the pills. I didn't tell anyone about the pills. I... you have to believe me." Harry opened his eyes, moving closer, holding both my hands. His hands were sweating, and mine were cold.  
"I don't believe it, " I whispered, feeling his body again close to mine. If I closed my eyes and concentrated, I would probably be able to feel Harry's heart beating because of the proximity.  
"Zayn..." Harry said as he brought his face closer to mine, and I smiled sadly. I knew that this wouldn't work, but I didn't expect it to end like that. And not so fast.  
And then Harry's lips were on mine again, as my body was attacked by a swirl of confused, conflicting emotions. Harry breathed slowly, holding me close to his body, holding me as if I were if I were going to break, as if I were fragile.  
But I wasn't.  
Pushing Harry one more time, I went to the door and left without looking back.

  
_

 

If I had a phone, I would've called my boss immediately and given up on that job. After much suffering, I learned that no job is more important than health: physical and mental.  
But I didn't have a phone.  
Sitting on the benches outside the Castle, I knew I wouldn't be bothered there. It was after lunch, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I got back inside. The snow fell faintly on a few white flakes, and though I was wrapped up I felt cold, coming mostly from within me.  
Feeling the pure, fresh air in and out of my lungs, I gradually calmed down, rethinking and reviewing the facts in my head.  
Eve had keys to every room.  
Harry knew about the medicine.  
George was found dead with my medicine next to his body.  
Three facts that when put together - seen from the outside of the situation - make perfect sense, as a crime solved. But inside me, no.  
It was as if had a loose thread in the middle of all.  
George had yelled at me, but he was completely out of control that day, and no one could imagine what was going on in his mind. Probably he was too tormented by his own demons that in an outbreak, he decided to put an end to his suffering.  
Eve had the key to every room, but every afternoon she spent in the kitchen and library, always taking care of the guests' well-being and meals. It was clear to me that she hadn't opened my door, but that didn't rule out a possibility that she might had given the keys to the other person, or someone else had access to the keys without being her.  
 _Harry._  
Harry was standing outside the discussion where George yelled at me, and he was the only one who knew about the pills. Apparently he had no reason to do that, but that didn't mean innocence. Every day people died without reason, people killed every day for no reason.  
But Harry...  
I couldn't understand. He was the only piece in this puzzle that didn't fit. As much as I hated it, deep inside I believed him. He'd never told anyone about the first night, our first meeting . So why would he do that?  
If he did that to incriminate me,why he would hide the bottle with my medicines? All that just didn't make any sense. I was losing something,and I needed to find it before the one who was trying to incriminate me did.  
"You'll freeze out there" Eve said, slowly approaching. She was wrapped in a gray wool blanket, and smiled friendly at me. "It's all right?" He asked, sitting down beside me.  
"Yes, " I said, hating how fake it sounded.  
"What happened, honey?" She asked, staring at the snow.  
I sighed.  
I wanted so badly to talk to her about what had happened, but I didn't know how to say without naming her name , or without revealing that she was involved in this whole situation.  
"Roarke said you and Harry are together" she said, and I looked at her in surprise. Eve continued with a smile on her face, watching the snow fall. "All right dear, the world has changed.. I don't care about that, but I can't say the same thing about my husband. He's not okay with that." And then she looked at me, and I sighed again .  
"I noticed" I said, and she laughed weakly. You don't have to go far to find a homophobe, wanting to cover you with hate. They were everywhere and they were people of all kinds.  
"I'm sorry for that, " she said taking my hand that was about to freeze because of the cold. I forgot my gloves with my phones back in London, and I still hated myself for that.   
"Harry is a good boy, he likes you very much" Eve said, and I closed my eyes. "I know it can be very... _weird_ sometimes, but he has a golden heart."  
"Do you know him?" I asked, looking at Eve.  
"I was a friend of his grandmother who passed away a while ago. There comes a time in life that you only meet your friends at funerals..." Eve laughed, then sighed deeply as if she was ready to cry. "I knew him there. He was very sad, he came running from Los Angeles back to Holmes Chapel for the funeral. He was very polite, very loved by all who were there. Some people said he was Grandma's boy. Her favorite." She laughed again, breathing deep.  
"He's a very closed person" I said, turning my gaze to the snow again. I never imagined Harry like that, in that situation. The grandmother's boy. The favorite one.  
"Everyone has their secrets and flaws Zayn. Some people are more open and approachable, some aren't, that doesn't mean anything. But the way he looks at you ... that says a lot" Eve said and I felt my cheeks warm of shame.   
I didn't know exactly what the 'way he looked' at me, but by the way she said it must be something good. "I'm going in, I'm freezing!" She said getting up, holding out her hand to me. "You come?"  
Taking Eve's hand, I got up and walked into the Castle with her. Sitting in the kitchen, we had tea to warm up while she instructed the staff for dinner. I looked around and saw no place where she could leave the keys,and there was no visible pocket or purse where she could keep the keys with her.  
Clearly the keys were kept hidden.  
Probably a safe place.  
Only those who knew they existed and where or with whom they stayed would have access to them. I needed to find.

  
_

 

"You almost didn't eat, " Marina whispered in my ear, bringing me back to the Earth. Her lips were painted a fluorescent orange that matched her shoes.  
"I'm not hungry, " I whispered back, poking my food without much excitement. Harry hadn't gone down to dinner, and the seat beside me was empty. I didn't know exactly what to feel about this and about him, but I knew that I did something wrong, that I shouldn't have acted that way with him.  
"You need to eat Zayn" Liam said as he sat down at the place that was Harry's, bringing his plate with him. He was wearing a white shirt and blue jeans, his omnipresent tuft, and beard were perfect shaved.  
"I'm not hungry." I repeated myself, watching Marina chat with Genevieve.  
"Is it because your boyfriend isn't here?" Liam said with his mouth full, teasing me.  
"Liam ..." I said chewing some food to get away from the subject.  
"What is Zayn, everyone heard Roarke's freak out earlier" Liam said, looking serious at me this time.  
"Oh, nice" Everyone in the Castle knew that I was Harry, and we weren't together any more.  
"You fought with him?" Liam asked in his investigative journalist's voice.  
"Me and Roarke? Apparently yes." I hadn't understood yet what had happened earlier, but I wasn't too keen to understand.  
"Nope, you and Harry?" Liam asked, and this time I almost laughed, but I wanted to cry.  
"Perhaps." I said, putting another piece of chicken in my mouth, staring at my plate. The food was almost cold, and I hated it.  
"Perhaps?"  
"A little" I replied with my mouth full, taking a sip of wine to see if the food was coming down.  
"May I ask why?" And at that moment, it was like I was talking to my mother.  
"Liam" I tried to warn, but Liam simply ignored me.  
"What is Zayn, you know you can trust me, " he said and I sighed. I could trust him. But there were other people around us and them, I could never trust them.  
"I don't think this is the place" I said, trying to make him understand what I was trying to say, but clearly the four glasses of wine he had drunk were already taking effect.  
"What did he do? Did he kill anyone?" Liam laughed for a moment, and then was subtly serious when he saw that I wasn't laughing together. "Zayn?"  
Intentionally, I dropped the napkin on the floor and bent down to pick it up, and for my luck, Liam got the message and lowered together. I felt part of some cliché fan fic at the time, but I didn't care.  
"I think he ... killed George, " I whispered, taking the napkin off the floor.  
"What?" He whispered back, resting his arm on my leg.  
"He was the only one who knew about my pills " I said, and then Liam got up, sitting down in the chair normally. I imitated him, and I realized that our little 'meeting' didn't disturb the conversation of the others there.  
"Impossible, " Liam said uneasily.  
"Impossible to know?" I asked, watching Liam take another sip of wine.  
"No, it's impossible for him to get in. Your room is locked " he whispered, looking at me.  
"He may have opened it with the extra key they have saved, " I explained, and Liam nodded.  
"Okay, he may have done it, but when?"  
"I don't know, after the discussion I just left the room at dinner time"  
"Exactly, " he said, pointing his finger at me.  
"What?" I asked confused as Liam chewed quickly.  
"After the discussion he went back to the library and stayed there until dinner time, he came up a few minutes earlier with me and changed his clothes ... I don't think he even took a shower ..." He said it with a grimace, condemning Harry's attitude .  
"And..?" I was confused once again, and I felt my stomach turn around.  
"I interviewed him after you went upstairs, and then I interviewed a few more guests. He was reading some sort of diary, I don't know." Liam frowned, trying to remember, and then waved his hands, giving up, "He just came up the same time I came in. And you were up there at the time we went up, right?" He asked and I nodded, feeling a shiver take over my body.  
And then I remembered that just before dinner Harry had gone to my room, and it was the moment he saw the pills. I put them in the drawer. Then he left. And when I got off, he was already at the dinner table talking to Marina.  
I was an idiot.  
"So ..." I mumbled, not knowing what to do. All that discussion, everything Harry said was true. Everything he heard, everything I said ... he didn't deserve it.  
"Did you fought him because of that? You'd better apologize then" he said with a smile. "In a _special way,_ if you know that I mean" Liam winked at me, and for a moment I just stood there looking at him, completely perplexed.  
"Enough of wine" I said taking the glass of wine from the front of him and putting the water. Sighing, Liam continued to eat, cursing me under his breath.


	7. Six

>   
> _“When I don’t touch you it’s a mistake in any life, in each place and forever.”_  
>  Bob Hicok from “Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Poem"
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> I didn't know exactly how long I stood in front of Harry's door. If someone saw me in the hallway staring at, wouldn't be easy to explain what was happening . The truth is I wasn't sure what about what I should do. Apparently Harry didn't have lunch or dinner, and the last time he was seen we were going up stairs.  
> I didn't know if I wanted to go back with him - or if he would wanted to have me back -, but he deserved an apology, and that was my mission. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and knocked on the door twice before I regretted it. And I remembered that maybe Harry didn't want to see me at that moment, that maybe he didn't want to see me anymore. I had been particularly cruel to him, and he didn't deserve it.  
> A few moments passed and the door didn't open, it was impossible to hear any sound coming from inside the room.   
> Maybe he was sleeping.   
> Maybe he wasn't. Olivia said that Marina was having another party, maybe he'd been invited.  
> Maybe he was there. Maybe it was better that way.  
> Turning to return to my room, I heard the door unlock and open. In the dim light, Harry's face was impossible to read.  
> "Can I help you?" He said,emotionless.  
> "Can I come in?" I whispered, unsure about what Harry's mood or reaction would be. After what seemed an eternity, he sighed and took a step back, letting me through the door.  
> The room was dark, lit only by some candles that were scattered on the floor and on the furniture. Harry was dressed only in a pink satin kimono, with some oriental designs on it and apparently, with nothing underneath.  
> Harry closed the door and leaned against it, staring at me. I looked around and then at him again, his hair was split in half, half wet and curls fell on his shoulders.  
> "I'm interrupting something??" I asked a little awkwardly.  
> "I like to meditate by candlelight " he replied without moving.  
> "You didn't go down to dinner" I said, and he raised his eyebrows.  
> "I thought you wouldn't like to eat your dinner on the side of a _murderer_ " Harry said, and it was as if I had been hit by a punch. A punch I deserved.  
> "Harry"  
> "You came here for ...?" He interrupted me, and I felt as if I had gained another punch. "I would like to return soon to meditate _alone and naked_."  
>  "I came here to apologize to you" I said quickly, before the image of a naked Harry meditating could form in my mind. Clearly he didn't have the patience to listen to me, so I had to take my chance while there was time.  
> "Apologies?" Again, he looked surprised. Walking slowly, Harry stopped in front of me. His eyes seemed to be red, but I couldn't tell if they really were.  
> Taking a deep breath, I looked into his eyes and began to say "I was a complete idiot today,I overreacted. I didn't think clearly, I just... made a scandal for nothing" .  
> Harry listened to what I said quietly,staring at me "I'm sorry for everything I said, every word I said, every accusation, I really shouldn't ... You're one of the best people I've met - and I don't even know you very well. I don't want to ruin what we have in this way. It wasn't fair to call you a murderer, it wasn't fair to accuse you when all you do is protect me"  
> "Did you came to this conclusion alone or did you have to hear that from other people's mouth so you could believe me?" Harry asked, crossing his arms. He was breathing slowly, as if trying to control himself.  
> "I...It doesn't matter. I'm wrong and I'm sorry" I said lowering my head, avoiding his eyes.  
> "If that's all you have to say, I'd like to be alone now" he said, going to the door and opening it. I only had a few seconds before all my chances were over, but I couldn't think of anything.  
> "Harry" I tried again, slowly walking up to him.  
> " _Don't_. Just leave." He ordered without looking at me.  
>  Leaning against the door until it closed, I looked into Harry's eyes which avoided me, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I would do anything for you forgive me" I whispered, running the tip of my fingers into Harry's arms,he shivered.  
> " _Anything_?" He asked, still with his eyes closed.  
>  "Anything." I murmured, holding Harry's hands. They were hot and a little bigger than mine, full of rings.  
> "Would you do anything?" Harry said taking his hands off mine and opening his eyes, staring at me.  
> "Yeah, anything. " I said louder, my voice steady.  
> "How about starting to believe me then?! _Shit Zayn_!" Harry punched the door, putting his hands on his face and walking around the room. Looking at the door, I silently thanked the God's above for not being the one to take the punch.  
>  "I'm sorry" I said again, not knowing exactly what or how to say. There were no excuses for that, and he might as well never look at me again.  
> "No, I don't believe you. Everything you said ... you said you don't believe me, you don't trust me, you don't know me... You said I'm a fucking maniac! That was mean Zayn." Harry said walking around the room, messing his own hair , while his kimono left almost everything out.  
> "I don't know what to say Harry, I have no apologies to that. I was an idiot with you." I mumbled, looking at my hands, not knowing what to do with them.  
> "That's true, " Harry said, biting his lower lip.  
> "And I'm sorry for everything, please ..." Again I looked into Harry's eyes, wishing he could see how honest I was being. "Trust me" I whispered as Harry approached me.  
> "Do you trust me, Zayn?" Harry said, moving his face closer to mine. I took a deep breath, absorbing his scent and heat. Baby oil, lavender, summer nights, sex and Harry.  
> "With my eyes closed" I said, drawing my face closer to Harry's, until I felt our lips touching. "Harry..." And then this time, I pulled Harry's body close to mine by the kimono, and in a fraction of a second, we were nothing but heat, passion and desire.  
> Again I couldn't think of much, all I could do was feel. Harry's skin beneath my hands, soft and warm, and soon the tie of his kimono slipped quickly from my fingers and Harry's shoulders, letting him naked in front of me.  
> Taking a step back, Harry seemed out of his mind as he stared at me. His lips were darker by kiss and his body was already showing signs effect of it.  
> Without shame, my eyes traveled all over Harry's body, absorbing and observing every detail: his tattoos, birthmarks, scars and pints. He had a beautiful body, and I couldn't be more in love.  
> Some candles had gone out, leaving the room a little darker than before, as if we had plunged into the dark side of the force.  
> " _Make me yours_ " he whispered breathlessly staring at me, and I closed my eyes.  
>  It was unlike anything I had ever had, and I couldn't deal properly with the feelings that blended into me. Maybe it was the place, perhaps the situation, but at that moment, the only thing I saw was Harry, and he was the only thing I needed to live.  
> Opening my eyes, I looked at Harry who waited patiently in front of me, with both hands behind his back. He bit his lower lip, his green eyes begging for me to make him mine.  
> And I would.  
> Approaching Harry again, I held his face in one hand and pulled him close with the other, kissing his mouth slowly. Harry's eager hands played with the hem of my sweater and soon I was without it. Coming down my hands, I felt Harry's firm body, his skin prickling at my touch.  
> Instinctively I pushed him gently onto the bed, making him fall on it with me on top of him. Unlike everything he was, at that moment Harry wasn't intimidating, strong, domineering. Beneath my body he was fragile, sweet, submissive.  
> "I want you so bad" he whispered, as I allowed myself to feel his skin with my lips, kissing his neck and jaw, feeling his quick pulse under my tongue. Harry was closed-eyed, his hands resting on me, squeezing and holding me close.  
> "You're so beautiful ..." I whispered into Harry's ear, biting the earlobe. From the back of his throat, Harry uttered a low groan as he bit his lower lip one more time. His body reacted well to mine. "I want you in so many ways" I whispered again, lowering my hands and kisses down Harry's chest, sucking and nibbling on his nipples, making him moan louder this time.  
> "Zayn ..." He gasped, placing his hand on the back of my neck and pulling my hair without much strength. Part of me just loved how sensitive Harry was at my touch, while the other part always wanted more.  
> "Since we met" I said, giving more kisses on Harry's torso, running the tip of my tongue on each tattoo he had, down to the v-line, feeling his boner touching my chest, watching Harry goind mad. "I thought a lot about you" I continued, scratching his chest and belly, watching Harry lose himself more and more into the feeling. "And always wondered how would feel,your body under of mine"   
> "I...fuck" Harry gasped when I opened his legs, pushing his thighs apart and kissing the inside of the it. He was breathing fast and deep, failing miserably to keep his self control.  
> "I always imagined how your taste would be" I whispered, putting the tip of the tongue on his leaking cock, swallowing the pre-cum and watching Harry shiver beneath me.  
> Before he could say anything, I took him in my mouth, licking it as if it were a candy. Harry was bigger than I imagined and with the help of my hand I caressed him, without looking away from his eyes. Even with both hands on my head, Harry didn't pushed my face down like I thought he would, just gently pulled my hair, scratching my neck and slipping his fingers through my hair.  
> He was gorgeous by that angle, the definition of hot mess : eyes closed, red lips, messy hair and a sweaty body.   
> I held Harry's legs up and slid my tongue through his slit till his rim,eating him like I've never eated somebody before. I could do that for the whole night, only because the way that Harry groaned, muttering incoherent obscenities to me.  
> " Zayn" Harry gasped, closing his eyes and arching his back. His hard cock was wet and leaking and I didn't need much to understand what he wanted to say with it.  
> "How you want to?" I whispered to him, running my teeths through Harry's thighs. He shivered again,looking at me through his lashes.   
> "With your mouth, please?" He whispered,and I smirked. Harry being submissive was much more than I could ask, much more than I deserved.   
> I went back, running the tip of my tongue and then taking im my mouth again, swallowing his cock up where I could endure, gagging a few times because I knew he liked it.  
> Harry opened more his legs to me, rubbing his fingers on his nipples while I rubbed his kidney, watching Harry's orgasm approaching slowly.  
> "I'm... _fuckyeahZaynjustfuck.._. " and with those words Harry came warm and thick in my mouth,moaning under his breath. His lower lip was bleeding and he was defenseless, completely at my mercy.  
>  I got up and spit all his come in my hand, rubbing against his cock. Harry kept his eyes closed,trying to recover.  
> "Are you okay?" I asked,taking my pants off. Harry opened his eyes and sat on the bed,watching me.  
> "Physically I'm fine" He said lazily,watching me undress. "Emotionally,I'm bruised" Licking the blood that was piled up on his lips without look away,I smiled to him.  
> "Let me make it up to you then..." I said, taking my boxers off and catching the kimono tie on the floor and crawling back to Harry's lap.  
> His eyes flashed when he realized what I was going to do, and he smirked to me.   
> "You're really good on apologies" he said as I leaned forward kissing his mouth again. His lips had the metallic taste of blood that came from his lower lip, and I felt inside some Dionysus's story.  
> "Be a good boy for me now" I whispered against his mouth, and he opened his eyes, smirking at me. "Hands up" I ordered and he obeyed. Tying his hands together with the kimono's tie, ensuring that he wouldn't be able to escape, and then I tied him to the bedside.  
> Harry watched me silently, measuring my body from top to bottom, failing miserably at hiding the lust from his eyes.   
> "No more talking now" I whispered and he nodded, closing his eyes. Running my hands on Harry's body again, I scratched his skin with my nails until it was marked. I wanted that Harry remembered of this forever, and if I could, I would tattoo my name on his nice ass.   
> Harry's cock was getting hard again underneath me, and I hadn't even started. Pulling his nipples with my fingers not so gently, I watched the mix of pain and pleasure on Harry's face.   
> It was obvious how much he enjoyed the pain.  
> I grabbed one of the candles that were on the nightstand, I knocked some of the hot wax on Harry's chest skin, licking right then. His skin prickled and he moaned low, biting his lip once more.  
> "Stop biting your lip like that" I ordered and he opened his eyes, looking at me. Dropping more wax on Harry's skin, I was delighted by his reaction to it, taking it soo good, expecting for more. "Like it?" I said, dropping wax on his V line, and licking right again. Harry shivered, throwing his head back. "Say it"  
> "Yes" He whispered, and I bit his hip, amazed by the softness he had there.   
> "Yes...?" I asked, dropping wax on his groin, making him gasp with eyes wide open.  
> "Yes _Sir_ ,I do..." He said quickly and I smirked. Licking his groing and scratching his thighs, watching him panting under my body. My cock was hard as I never seen in my entire life,and I was tired of teasing.   
> "Do we have lube?" I asked, and with his head he indicated the nightstand on the left side of the bed. Opening the drawer, I found lubricant, condoms and a pink dildo along with the little journal that he carried to every corner.  
> "Pink is my favorite color," he smirked at me as I put the condom on his cock. Putting some lube in my hands and tossing the bottle somewhere in the room, feeling my blood rushing through my veins and my heart beating faster.   
> "I'd like to have your fingers inside of me now Harry" I said, sitting on his lap and pulling two fingers inside me, stretching myself open while looking into his eyes. "But you're a good boy, and good boys aren't allowed to do this" My voice turned into a whisper, and I was losting my control, watching Harry gasp and shiver watching me.  
> I wasn't properly stretched, but I couldn't take long anymore. I needed Harry. He needed me. And he had no reasons why to wait.  
> Feeling his cock rubbing against my slit until we both are wet with this, I feel like I could come on that way easily, without even being touched by Harry. Watching me through hazy eyes, I knew he was feeling the same.   
>  Slowly, I let Harry's cock slide into me, closing my eyes enjoy the burn feeling and the pleasure. He was breathing faster, his skin glowing by the sweat. Pressing my palms on Harry's chest for leverage, I began to ride him, and for a second it was all too much. He was filing me so good, and I could barely control myself at that point.   
> Riding him slowly, I watched Harry's getting rose cheeks and tears in the corners of his eyes, while my ass slapped agains't his hips again and again. Soon, we both were a huge mess, a mix of moanings, sweat and tongues.   
> " Ya' feel so good inside me baby" I whispered, leaning foward and kissing his mouth, making Harry shiver again. "So big,so good to me,are ya' close babe? Gonna cum on me?" I asked and Harry just nodded, closing his eyes and arching his back, choking on air and coming inside me. "So good to me, such a good boy, so pretty..."   
> "Zayn..." He whispered on my mouth, tears running down his face. "I can do this,if you let me... _please_?" He said and I nodded,watching his longer pull down my trousers. Harry's eyes were sparkling as he looked at me through wet lashes. "Can I?" He whispered,breathing slowly close to my skin,making me shiver.   
>  "Do what baby?" I kissed his mouth, still feeling the burn feeling of his cock inside me.  
> "Can I make you come... in my mouth, _please_?" He said and I closed my eyes.  
>  "Fuck, _yes_ " I muttered,nodding to Harry. He smirked while I released his hands, rubbing them for a minute till the numb feeling pass. I stand in the floor in front of Harry, licking his lips before taking me in his mouth. He sucked me of like I was paying him for it. Slowly,he moved his mouth up and down on me,staring at my eyes with the naughtiest look I've ever seen.   
> Beside the cold weather,we both were sweating,we were a mix of spit,come and sweat. Harry was a mess also was I. Feeling the risen on my stomach,I close my eyes for a second to make it last longer. Harry's relaxed his jaw and took me fully in his mouth,and at some point I could feel my cock down on his throat. He doesn't gag,but his eyes were full of water as I push my hips further to his face,fucking his mouth as I wish I could do since the first breakfast.  
> Holding Harry's hair tight,I fuck his mouth harder,slowly,making him gag this time. The sound of it could drive me mad at that moment,and I was moaning louder before I could realize.  
> Harry's hands run through my body,my butt,my legs,my chest and nipples,digging his fingers into my skin while his jaws melt to take me in deeper.   
> And again I remember that nothing I've ever had was like this.  
> Pushing Harry's head against my hips again with a little bit of force,I keep my hand down on his nape to keep him still. Chocking Harry with my cock was one of the best feelings I ever had,and if I kept a little more time like that,I would come all over on his throat.   
> But he gasps and chockes,and I let him go for a second.   
> Different than I thought he would do,Harry look at me and give a fucking smirk,whiping his mouth with the back of the hand,  
> "You like it?" I said,and Harry bit his lower lip again,making it bleed more. He nod,and I close my eyes. "Say it loud Harry." My voice goes out firm and loud,and I couldn't be more pleased.  
> "Yes,Sir" Fucking God. What a fucking tease.  
> "Ya' going to swallow all?" I said,jerking myself watching Harry.   
> "Yes Sir" He said again,looking down to my cock and licking his fucking lips again.  
> "Good boy" I said pushing his head against me again, feeling my cock on his throat one more time. It's like Harry's jaw melted to take me further inside of him. His cheeks were red and all I could to was fuck his mouth more and more, till the feeling under my stomach were too much, and before I could warn him, I was coming down on his throat almost falling on him one more time.  
> Without taking his eyes from me, Harry cleaned all the mess with his tongue, licking and sucking me until there's nothing left.  
> Harry got up and took me to the bathroom, where he made sure that I was clean again,after jerking me off one more time using his kale soap as lube.  
> Laid beside Harry, I was feeling hazy and satisfied. We were a mess and I couldn't be happier. After all that shit that happened earlier, destiny still managed to make me be with him. I knew that it wouldn't last long, but I promised myself that I would enjoy it till the last second.  
> "You good?" Harry said with his hoarse deep voice turning into a whisper. His body was glowing in the candlelight and all I wanted to do was kissing him again and again.   
> "I'm great actually" I mumbled, closing my eyes and breathing slowly, trying to keep in my memory the smallest details of that moment. Pulling myself closer to Harry till we were sharing the same air, I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me quietly. "What are you looking at?" I said and he smiled, pressing his forehead against my.  
> "You have beautiful eyes Zayn" He said and I smiled, a little bit ashamed. He was the first one who loved me in that way, and deep inside, I knew that the chances of me letting someone love me in that way again were lower.  
> "We're good?" I asked, running the tip of my fingers on Harry's lips. He nodded and kept in silence looking in my eyes, stroking my exposed skin with his warm hands.  
> " _Through your hazel eyes, I see poetry and the sky_ " He whispered " _I can see heaven, and the fear of being in fell._ " Running his fingers through my face " _I hope to see the light and protect you from dark. And when you feel lonely, I’ll show you my heart..._ " His voice was more lower, and I couldn't feel my heart beating _"For your eyes only_."   
>  And for a moment, my world just stopped. Inside my chest, my heart was about to explode, beating fast as a hummingbird. Before I could realize, I was crying in silence, looking at Harry's eyes.  
> "That was beautiful" I whispered, with my voice caught in the throat.   
> "Let's make this our secret ok?" He whispered back and I smiled, nodding. "C'mon, let's sleep" Harry said and then pulled me closer,laying his head on my chest. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to be myself, with no more secrets, no greater fears.  
> Still, after all he smelled good. _Baby oil, lavender, sex, passion and Harry._
> 
> ___
> 
>  
> 
> Few times in my life I woke up feeling this good and renewed that way. For the first time in that I was in the Castle, I was really feeling good about myself. I was confident, in a good mood and excited.   
> During the day I talked with more guests, I interviewed Stephen and Genevieve with the camera, I got the first chapter of Marina's new book with exclusivity.  
> Harry were always smiling at me, giving me soft kisses in the cheek and heart-shaped lollipops. Even if we were apart in the same room, his eyes were always on me, making sure I _knew_ that he was there and that he really cared.   
>  After lunch along with Alice, Olaf, and Lucas, I walked around the outside of the Castle, that had little to offer other than the faint snow that fell and left the floor slippery.  
> I also talked to Robert and the twins, and I had informations about the new play they were writing together.  
> During afternoon tea, we had a workshop on how to get away from the sameness that lives in the horror books and create something truly original.  
> Luiza wore another of her latex dresses, along with black boots to her thighs and a burgundy velvet coat and was talking slowly on the Theater stage.  
> "I like the boots" Harry whispered to me, holding my hands. Behind me,Eve and Roarke were watching us, and everytime that Harry touched me, Roarke jumped on his sit ready to fight with us. ' _Let's bother the homophobes, let's be more gay than ever. Everyday one level up_.' Harry said to me in the breakfast,and I knew really well how much he was having fun with it.  
>  Later, in that night we would have a Ball, with music and more drinking. I was kinda excited about it, but a bit lost with all the informations.  
> "Your face isn't hurting?" Liam said laid on my bed, playing Harry's Rubik's cube.   
> "No...why?" I asked, trying to choose a outfit for the ball. I wasn't ready for that situations, but since Harry was being himself and wear something expensive, the least I could do was dress myself in the best way I could.  
> "I like the blue one" Harry said, watching me dress the blue suit. He was laid in the bed next to Liam,wearing a Packers hoodie.  
> "You just keep smiling the whole time" Liam said and Harry smirked at me, not being able to hide his fulfillment.  
> "Maybe he's just happy, Liam" Harry said, taking the cube from Liam's hand and trying to solve it.  
> "He might be, but why?" Liam asked, and Harry didn't answered. I wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the _reason why_ from my mouth or if he rather keep the 'secret'.   
>  "Harry make me happy" I whispered, and for one second stopped moving the pieces of the cube and smiled shyly to me.  
> "Harry??" Liam gasped, mocking Harry. "This one? This guy right here Zayn? _Jesus_..."   
>  "Excuse me,Liam. You talk like you were the nicest person in this place..." Harry said,extremy offended by what Liam said, making Liam laugh.   
> It was comforting and good to have both of them there, even though they were arguing over useless things. Both protected me when I needed, and I would everything to gave it back to them.  
> "You discovered something new about the keys?" I asked Liam,sitting on the bed with them. In the morning Liam said to me that Roarke and Eve were the only ones who had access to the keys, and even the employeers needed to ask their permition to use one of them - with supervision.  
> Liam also said that by this time, Maura should be in town and police should be coming soon to remove George's body.   
> They would probably do a little questioning about the circumstances the body was found in, but anyway the result of the autopsy would be overdose of drugs. The only thing that could incriminate me at the crime scene was the packaging of medicines with my name, and since Harry had already put an end to it, the only thing I needed to worry about was not talk too much to the police.  
> "Nope. But I'll keep searching for informations." Liam said taking the cube from Harry's hand again, without care about Harry's glare.  
> "Whoever did it will do it again. That's is the point. The goal was to get Zayn in trouble and as the first time didn't work out, that person will do it again. It will do better, maybe bigger. We have to be prepared." Harry said,holding my hand "Under no circumstances you should be alone. Even before shit happens you already need an alibi, at least until we find out who is doing it."   
> "The point is: why?" Liam asked and we all kept in silence, trying to figure out this puzzle.  
> "Maybe the person need inspiration to write something new, like George did" I said and Harry shook his head no, still in silence.  
> "I think the someone who's doing this has a 'great' reason to do it. It's not something random, it was very calculated. It was trying to hit you, of all this persons who are here with us" Liam said, and I agreed.  
> "Someone with a secret" I said, closing my eyes. My day was being perfect and I didn't wanted to ruin it with those thoughts, but was a necessary thing.   
> "That's not a good one Zayn, everyone has a secret" Harry said, putting his legs on top of me.  
> "I don't have a secret" Liam said, raising his eyebrows to Harry  
> "That's because your life is pathetic Liam" Harry answered, and Liam was about to jump on his neck, to choke him to the death.  
> "I don't have a secret either" I said, then Harry looked at me surprised.  
> "I have a secret" Harry said and I rolled out my eyes, while Liam looked at with that ' _I hate you and I don't even know why I'm sitting next you_ ' face, making me laugh.  
> "Shut up Styles" Liam said under his breath, focusing again on the magic cube.  
> Leaning over me Harry gave me a kiss " _We have a secret_ " he whispered in my mouth looking in my eyes.  
> "Let's have fun tonight right?" Liam said pushing Harry to his side "But I don't need to see you both exchanging saliva and bacterias"   
> "You don't have to be jealous Liam, I can kiss you too" Harry said,throwing himself on Liam.   
> "Don't you dare to touch this dirty mouth on me" Liam yelled at Harry, pushing him away.   
> Deep in my chest, I knew something was coming, but I didn't know what or when. Maybe I was too paranoid, but looking at both boys arguing in my bed, all I wanted was make sure that nothing bad could happen to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the poem Lariela, I love you!


	8. Seven

 

>  
> 
> _"For just a bunch of atoms and cells we really are problematic and complex."_
> 
> Sophia Carey
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
> 
> Harry spent the rest of the afternoon on the kitchen, helping Eve make the cupcakes and food for the Ball. He would look around and make some questions to her, to try to find where the keys were kept and how many they were. Liam went to his room to get ready, leaving me alone in the room. Although that it was my room with my things, locked with a key, I still wasn't feeling safe inside there. Harry's room were so much more cozy and confortable than mine.  
>  Alone, I still had the feeling of being watched, like some ghost was behind in my back, but wasn't allowed to leave the room with me. Like if the walls had eyes and ears, like if anytime a secret wall would open and people would come out to kill me. Sighing, I straightened my hair one more time and left the room, feeling relief as if I had been in a box for a long time.  
>  Dressed all in black - except for the blue blazer, I went down to the main hall to find almost everyone there, except for Eve and Marina.  
>  "You look amazing" Harry said in my ear, holding my hand and handing me a drink. Roarke followed us with his eyes, his face red as the walls of the Castle.  
>  Music was playing and the employeers was circulating among us, serving drinks and food as we talked and after a while, Eve and Marina joined us. I was talking with Liam and Lucas, but I couldn't keep my eyes away from Harry. He was talking with Eve and Roarke, being very charming and flirting with both.  
>  "Eve told me your like red velvet cupcakes, but can't eat food coloring, so I've made some of these with beets for you" He said, handing Roarke a cupcake. Roarke smiled shyly and took the cupcake,giving him taking a bite of it and grinning.  
>  "It's delicious Harry, thank you so much" He said and Harry smiled, eating some grapes. "It's been a while since I don't eat those"  
>  "Well, you have a lot of these just for you now. Enjoy it" He said and then Marina pulled Harry to the improvised dance floor, and both started to dance - in a very peculiar way - completely out of rhythm. Harry was wearing red suit, with blue squares and flowers inside them. Without a shirt underneath, his chest and abdomen were exposed, and his cross necklace was a profane contrast with the leather choker he wore.  
>  He was the embodiment of sin.  
>  "They're really bad at it aren't they?" Olivia asked to me, holding my arm. She was wearing a nude long dress, with a lot of sparkle on top. Her lips were red as Harry's cupcakes, and everyone was starting to get drunk.  
>  "You don't dance?" Lucas said to me, his brown eyes painted with red eyeliner. He reminded me of Jaden Smith, and I liked it.  
>  "I'm a terrible dancer" I said and he laugh, pulling Olivia to the dance floor. The classical music that was playing had been remixed to a more EDM style, something like Steve Aoki or Diplo, and everybody was enjoyng it.  
>  A few drinks later, I felt Harry pulling me by the hand to the middle of the dance floor,and before I could realize, I was dancing with everyone around me, rubbing my body against Harry's, kissing his mouth and feeling his heat.  
>  Till the music stopped. And Roarke screamed.  
>  "I've had enough of this! I can't just keep watching this and pretending that nothing is happening! This is not normal!" He yelled, coming to us with a finger pointed to our faces. Harry was breathing fast,and Liam was already on front of him to stop him from ending Roarke. "You are the scum of the worst on this planet and I will no longer tolerate that sham under my roof!"  
>  "I'm not asking for your permition Roarke" Harry said slowly,stepping foward. Marina and Olivia were already mad with Roarke's shit,supporting Harry. "I don't give two fucks about what you think we are, and also I don't give a shit for who you think you are. You're nothing. And you won't stop me from loving anyone who I want to"  
>  "Under. My. Roof. No" Roarke said, and I took a deep breath, taking off his tie.  
>  "It's not your roof Roarke. This is not your house. You don't own this Castle" I said,coming to Harry's side. Lucas and Genevieve supported me with a little 'yeah's' under their breaths, and besides the alcohool in my blood, I was feeling confident.  
>  "What the hell are you talking about?" He howled with anger, his eyes almost popping out of the orbit, like cartoons.  
>  "You're not a Ward and don't descend from them. This is not yours Roarke, the Government pay you to be here but this don't belongs to you. Your rules aren't valid to nowhere except to your head." I said with a lower,steady voice.  
>  "I spent all my life on this Castle, how you dare to tell me this?" He said, gasping for air and oppening the buttons of his shirt.  
>  "That doesn't make the Castle yours" I whispered to him and at that moment, I really though that Roarke was try to beat me, but then he turned around and went to the other side of the hall, siting in a chair where the red velvet cupcakes that Harry did earlier were.  
>  While he as gasping for air, Eve followed him to make sure he was fine.  
>  Someone turned the music again, but all the 'party mood' was dead at this point. Harry hold and kissed me quickly, resting his head on my shoulder.  
>  "I'm sorry about that" He mumbled, holding me tight.  
>  "It's not your fault" I said, smelling his hair .  
>  Lavender, baby oil, summer nights, sex and Harry.  
>  "Well, actually it is. I seduced you so..." Harry said looking at me with a smirk, and I laughed. People were getting back to the couchs and chairs, sitting down and talking, trying to ease the atmosphere.  
>  "You seduced me? Please Styles..." I said laughing on Harry's neck. Until it all stopped.  
>  Across the room, Eve was screaming in despair as Roarke fell to the floor, agonizing in pain. His eyes were rolling as if they were going out of orbit, and his body contracted in spasms as his hands were around his throat, as if he couldn't breathe anymore.  
>  Olaf, Lohan, and Harry rushed to Roarke to help while Kelvin photographed the scene. Marina went to the kitchen running for water, while all I could do was watch.  
>  Again, it was as if I were watching the scene outside, outside my own body, out of that place, out of me.  
>  I couldn't believe that was happening again. Inside my head it was as if I were in a spiral of time, as if I were trapped in an eternal deja-vu where I had to relive the same situation over and over again until I could permanently get rid of it.  
>  Olaf was doing mouth to mouth ressuscitation on Roarke while Lohan counted his wrist and Harry tried to calm Eve. Roarke's cup was fallen at his side and I looked around, searching for something I couldn't see. Someone. A reason. Something... Whoever had done this to Roarke, was there at that moment, and he or she couldn't escape.  
>  I'm not sure how much time passed, but Roarke stopped choking, his hands softened, and his eyes didn't roll anymore. He didn't breathe anymore.  
>  Horrified by the scene, I sat in a nearby chair watching everything that was happening. Someone screamed in horror, and all I could do was stare Roarke's white eyes.  
>  Eve was screaming. She was screaming at Harry, hitting him. She lifted and knocked over the small tower of cupcakes he made.  
>  "You killed my husband! You poisoned him!" She screamed as she hit Harry's chest, who's were watching her with no reaction. "You've made those cupcakes just for him! It's your fault!"  
>  "Eve I..." Harry said, then she hit him in the face. Before I could realize, I was beside him, pushing him far of all that mess.  
>  "What did you put in the food? Something different?" Liam asked, pushing us both to the kitchen were some employeers were running trying get some help, even if was too late.  
>  "No, nothing different... I mean, I used all the ingredients that they have here. Eve was with me the whole time. I would never do that. I would never kill someone in this way." He said, putting his hands on his face.  
>  "Stay here. Where everyone can see you." Liam said to us and lef the kitchen. In silence, I went to the sink and washed my face, trying to clean my mind of all the shit was happening again.  
>  "You're okay?" I asked to Harry, putting my cold hand down the back of Harry's neck trying to improve his situation. He was pale and shaking, watching the rush of people in and out of the kitchen and the Castle, seeking help that wouldn't come so soon.  
>  And in that moment, it didn't matter. There was no more chances for Roarke.  
>  "No" He whispered, getting up and going to the sink. "You don't feel bad Zayn? A man just died in front of you... You just don't feel sick? You don't want to throw up? We're here in this fucking place with no phone, no internet and no help, stuck with a fucking murderer that we don't know who it is!" He screamed, puking in the sink while I kept his hair far of his face, with a hand on his back, rubbing it like my mother would do.  
>  "We'll find out who made this babe, I won't let anything bad happen to you" I whispered to him, wishing that I was fast enough to do it before we turn into one of the victims.  
>   
> 
> 
> _
> 
>  
> 
> "You'll be fine" I said, laying on Harry's side. He was still shaking, looking away lost on his own mind.  
>  "I wanna know why. Were here for less than week and two people died. Two people who fought us. Our asses are on the line." He whispered,putting his arms around me and hidding his face on the curve of my shoulder.  
>  For a moment I thought that he would cry, but he didn't.  
>  I was silent, wondering what might happen soon, if somehow Harry would be incriminated by what happened, trying to decode what was behind that pattern.  
>  The two people who argued with me died mysteriously in the same way, and until the police arrived with the criminal expertise, the crime scene could and would be changed countless times. Kelvin and Liam's registration of all that, as well as the testimony of guests and employees would be the only way to solve what had happened there.  
>  But I couldn't afford to wait. With every passing minute something could happen and the possibility of someone else not surviving until the next dinner was just growing.  
>  The Castle was quiet, Roarke's body was taken to the old dungeon along with George's, and never in a million years I could imagine that this would happen.  
>  "I'll find out who did this baby, don't worry" I whispered leaving kisses on Harry's hair, running my fingers through his back.  
>  "I'm scared Zayn" He said,playing with the bar of my underwear.  
>  "Of being arrested? I thought that you liked to be handcuffed" I said and Harry laughed, pinching my skin.  
>  "You're so dirty"  
>  "Am I?"  
>  "A lot" I said and he sighed, running his fingers through my chest, lost on his own mind.  
>  "You believe me don't you?" He whispered, and I kissed the top of his head, smiling.  
>  "Of course I do" I whispered back, holding him closer to my body and kissing his forehead. He protected me when I needed, now it was my time to do the same for him.
> 
>  
> 
> _
> 
>  
> 
> The morning after couldn't be more stranger. The breakfast was silent and everyone was looking at us with suspicion. For the first time, Marina didn't make a joke about Harry's hair or shirt. For the first time in days, I really felt in a Convention of Thriller and Horror.  
>  Cleaning her throat, Eve stand up and looked at all of us. "I'd like to say sorry. It wasn't fair to accuse Mr. Styles of murder. I'm not a doctor or a police officer to know what happened. Harry cooked to all of us yesterday, but the fact is that just...my husband... died." She started to cry, dismissing Alice's help. "But..." She said, wipping the tears with the sleeve of her dress "I believe that we have a murderer between us, and I can't accuse no one, but deep in my heart I know very well who he is" Eve said staring at Harry, and I sighed, jumping of my chair.  
>  "You can't say things like that Eve. You have no proofs" I said holding on the table to keep balance. I was so ready to fight with her and with anyone who tried to accuse Harry from something.  
>  "Well, I have one of the cupcakes he mad just Roarke" Eve said, adjustind her dress "You have proofs that he is innocent?" She asked back.  
>  "You're ridiculous. Your husband is gone and you took his place? Disgusting. You were with me the whole afternoon while I was making those damn cupcakes." Harry's voice were deeper than I've ever heard, and that was pretty scary;  
>  "You could drop really easily the poison inside of the mix while I was busy with other things" She raised her voice, and Harry snorted.  
>  "If I would poison someone, I guarantee it wouldn't be him." Harry said, lifting from his chair.  
>  "Alright, calm down" Pushing Harry back to his chair, I said, sitting back and watching Harry drink tea. His hands were firm, unlike mine.  
>  "Such a beautiful couple. Have you guys decided who's gonna kill next?"  
>  "Harry said, dropping his tea-cup on the table.  
>  "Zayn were the last one to go down for dinner the night George died. You could easily have gone to his room and poisoned him!" She yelled, and I got up, walking slowly to Eve.  
>  I was tired of all that shit, I was tired of being accused and trying to hide from the truth.  
>  "Not really, but it's getting easier and easier to decide." Harry said, taking a sip of his tea staring her.  
>  "Eve, this a very serious accusation and I suggest to keep your mouth shut because you don't have how to prove those things. Or do you?" I murmured to her, sitting on the chair that used to be Roarke's, next to her  
>  "No, I don't" She said back, and I forced myself to smile.  
>  "That's what I thought" I whispered back, coming back to my place next to Harry and finishing my breakfast, feeling my mouth bitter with everything I ate.
> 
>  
> 
> _
> 
>  
> 
> "This is ridiculous" Harry said looking out the window to outside, where the grass was already fully covered by the snow. It was a particularly cold day, and the gray color of the sky reflected in every room of the Castle leaving that day more funereal than ever. Olaf had gone to town to seek more help and get in touch with the outside world. Faced with Eve's accusations, an expertise and investigation were more than necessary to shed light on what had happened.  
>  "She can't do that" Liam said, sat on my desk looking at us.  
>  "We're alone on this" I said, feeling defeated. Somehow, I knew that the expertise on George's body might not come to anything, but the cupcakes Harry had made would incriminate him. By far, this was the most complicated situation I had ever had in my life, and I felt as if my hands were tied.  
>  We had nowhere to run.  
>  The only way was to figure out who the real killer was before one of us ended up dead.  
>  "Marina said that she will help, but I don't know how" Harry mumbled, walking distracted in the room.  
>  "There's so much shit going on now" I murmured, putting my hands on my face and closing my eyes.  
>  "I'll ended up killing someone anyway... Not by poison,but with my own hands" Harry said and for some reason, I didn't think he was joking. Since last night, he was pretty nervous about everything. With good reasons.  
>  "I'll help you" Liam said, and I just kept my face down on my hands.  
>  People say that some humans work better under pressure, but I think that wasn't my case. Within that room and that situation, I just felt more and more suffocated by everything that was happening, as if even my thoughts could be heard and used against me.  
>  "Stop." I said, looking at Liam and Harry. "Can we go to your room? I hate here. I feel like I'm being watched" I asked Harry, who nodded to me.  
>  "You're losing your mind Zayn" Liam played and I gave him a middle finger, letting him shook.  
>  "The one who lived in this room was a true voyeur." Harry said with a smirk, going to the mirror and fixing his hair.
> 
> "Why?" I asked, getting up from bed.  
>  "Look at this mirror. He's completely pointed to the bed. You can easily see yourself from there." Harry said throwing himself in the bed, watching his own reflex on the mirror.  
>  "And..." I said, not sure about what the point was.  
>  "Some people like to watch themselfs...you know..." Harry said pushing me by the hand and I felt my face burn in shame again, by the way he looked at me. Somehow, even in the worse situations, Harry still managed to keep his charm and smugness on high levels. "Too pure for this world" He mumbled, kissing my hand.  
>  "Yeah yeah, I don't like it." I said, pushing my hand away from his mouth trying to focus in what we supposed to do. Quietly, Liam was staring at the mirror. "Dont like this mirror. I'm not a creep"  
>  "Hey, don't try to kink shame people ok?" Harry said deeply offended, and I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't knock till you try" He whispered, watching Liam with a furrow.  
>  "Sorry" I mumbled, sitting on the wood box in front of the bed and looking down again.  
>  I was missing something in the middle of this. Something important, something huge.  
>  "I think that you can take it from here since it bothers you so much..." Liam said, going to the mirror and lifting the frame and pushing the mirror from his base.  
>  "Shit" Harry gasped, getting up from the bed and going to the wall where the mirror was.  
>  "Fucking Christ" Liam said putting the mirror on the floor, and then I looked up  
>  "You're being watched" Harry said, staring at the wall.  
>  "What?" I asked, looking at both, trying to understand. On the wall, there was a small hole in the middle where the mirror stood. Inside it, it was clear the silhouette of a small camera, like the ones used to monitor nannies secretly.  
>  "There's a camera here" Liam whispered, pointing it to me. Not believing what I was seeing, I went to the mirror and examined it. The back wasn't matte like a normal mirror, but translucent and almost transparent. In that way, it was possible to observe everything that was happening in my room at any time.  
>  I was actually being watched.  
>  'Fuck" I whispered, looking at Liam and Harry.  
>  "We're not safe here" Harry whispered, taking the mirror of my hands and putting him on the wall again.  
>  Gesticulating for the door, we left my room and went to his.  
>  "We need to find out where these images are being transmitted" he said, tying his hair in a bun.  
>  "Harry, if there were cameras in my room they saw absolutely everything that happened, including my pills" I whispered, throwing myself into Harry's bed and closing my eyes.  
>  I was exausthed and more than ever, I wanted to be in my house.  
>  "If they have camera in your room, they probably have it in every room, including that of George. Which can reveal who is the true killer" Liam said, and Harry's eyes flashed.  
>  "We need to find out were are these records" Harry whispered, then we looked at each other, trying to find a way out of this mess.  
>  "There's probably a room, a kind of office they use... if every room has a camera, it's possible they have at least one microphone and they'll hear everything we're talking about. " Liam looked at me, sighing. "I can't get more involved." He said, and I felt my heart stop for a moment.  
>  "Liam you can't do this," I said, getting out of bed and looking into his eyes.  
>  "I'm sorry Zayn, but I'm not sure of anything else, and before everything gets worse, I'd rather not be part of it," Liam said, going to the door.  
>  "You think it was us?" Harry said, staring at Liam.  
>  "I don't think anything" Liam whispered, turning his back and leaving the room, leaving me and Harry alone, not knowing what to do.  
>  "We're lost," Harry said and I closed my eyes again, throwing myself onto the bed and breathing slowly, trying to find a way out.  
>  Minutes passed and I found none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update!

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I would like to thank my friend Jessica for all her patience from the first moment, for all the help with the ideas, scenarios, scenes, places, people ... absolutely everything. You were so essential for me as Dionysus is important in this story. Thank you so much, I love you.  
> Secondly, I would like to thank you, Lariela. Thank you also for all your patience and for being my first beta. Thank you for freaking out and supporting me from the start, I have no words to thank you for how special you have been and it's for me. And thank you so much for the poem too, it is as incredible as you!  
> Thank you Gemma for Dionysus. You have the best ideas!  
> Thank you Dren, for being my beta and for all the patience with me! Thank you G for being so sweet and supporting me while I was being absolutely crazy. Thank you Pilar for (starting) reading my fic! I love y'all so much!  
> And last but not least, thanks to you who read this story, absolutely nothing would make sense or would have a purpose if you didn't exist! I hope you have enjoyed reading as well as I enjoyed writing, and please feel free to come and complain / curse / scream / cry / compliment on my ask, I am waiting for your feedback!  
> You can find me on http://androgynoustyles.tumblr.com/ !


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